Neecy,

I know how you feel. You're very angry right now. H has continued to be deceitful. It hurts something terrible, I know, and it's only a matter of time before that hurt turns into anger. You're there - it's what you referred to as the mission.

Don't know if you've sent the e-mail already to OW or not, but I wanted you to know that I wouldn't blame you if you did. I have no doubt that others here would strongly advise against it, but personally, I believe sometimes you actually do have to stir things up. I think OPs need to know the tragic consequences of their destructive behaviors. Our S'es aren't listening, and the OP probably won't either, but all we can try to accomplish is planting the seed of doubt, remorse, regret into their minds. Hopefully, if OP has any bit of a conscience, they will wake up and realize how damaging the A has been. Even better if they make the right choice to end it. I know if I were ever the "OW" ( now there's a repulsive thought), I do not think I could live with myself knowing that I broke up a M, and God help me if there were children involved.

Originally Posted By: grumpyeby
Being S is hard, but it will give you some of the space you need to decide what is best for you and it gives you a break from the day to day drama of the A. It not easy and its not what I chose, my H decided he was going to leave, but its also been a bigger help because I could focus on my kids and myself and start to sort out me.


Grumpyeby's right. Separating is very difficult indeed, but for now, it just might be best for you and H. It might be the chance your M needs to survive, but that's only if you want it to. If you still want to save your M, then drop the rope. Let go of the A. Let go of H. You cannot control either one.

Detach, focus on your goals, and aim for a better, stronger, healthier you.

You can get through this, Neecy. I believe in you.

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell