It's really hard to stick on your faith for your H & you when you see him so unsure and acting crazy. I've been there, f&$k! it seems that my H is there at the moment, wondering if he is good for me or not... What I read somewhere that got stuck in my head was that "the choices we make when in love, are basically, originally correct" what happens afer that, is a different story.
Your thoughts are valuable, you are setting your standards even if you don't realise it. You are not going to cut yourself short this time, you will want and demand the whole package and that's great for YOU. Nothing rude about it. You will need to answer these questions to yourself, be honest with/about him and you.
WTG, Funny you should mention this because I've been really thinking about these things. Really wondering if I've been doing enough 180's and changing things within myself. But what I'm coming to terms with is that while yes, I do have lots I can improve upon within myself...I'm not going to change myself to become a different person so H will love me. I have to be true to myself first. He used to love who I am...so is it him that's changed? I am working very hard to improve upon the specifics that seem to have me bogged down in my life, but at my core I am not a different person and nor do I intend to be. He is the one who seems to have changed at the core...or is at the very least quite confused.
Anyway, like I posted on my thread the other day....we deserve to be happy. We deserve to have a man (a real man) who will take care of his family and be there for his W and kids through thick and thin. Stand by me and work on making me happy as much I will work on making him happy. Know that life and relationships are work work work. Hard work. And nothing is worth having unless you've put that work into it.
So we deserve that. I hope and pray that it is with our H's and that they find it in themselves to be the best person they can be and can fulfill themselves. Only when they can do that for themselves can they possibly offer that to someone else.
And if it isn't them, all is not lost. Because we deserve that and perhaps there is someone else who will be able to give us that if it is not our H's.
You're totally right, he doesn't deserve you. There is someone who will appreciate you for all of the wonderful things that you are. Hopefully our H's will begin to see us for all of those thing again as they once did...but if they don't, then they do not deserve us.
The only thing we can do is find peace with the now and see where this crazy road takes us!!! I wish it was as easy to do as it is to say! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
I am having these doubts too. There are days when I imagine what my life could be without H and realize that I would like that sort of life very much. Then there are others, when I think I'm not going to live without him at all, just don't want to. There are things about me I want to change desperately and I'm nearly greatful to my H for the 2x4. The other things, however, which are so ME, I hope I will never change, things that are of the essence.
I'm trying not to pay too much attention to either thoughts, not at the moment.
Sometimes I think, MLC is infectious
In any case I agree wth JennyF, that "the only thing we can do is find peace with the now and see where this crazy road takes us". Amen.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
W2G, I'm having the exact same thoughts!!! Yesterday and so far today have been very down days for me. I'm feeling that I'll be a lot better off without H. I have no respect for how he is behaving and the person he has become. I also know that I am a wonderful person with a lot to offer. Right now he certainly doesn't deserve me. I don't know how to get past these feelings.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Here's my take. Don't let him define you. You aren't what he makes you. You are a special person. You are unique, intelligent and fun. Be the real you. If it means that he isn't the guy for you that's his problem. He probably isn't deserving of you right now.
However, as soon as you detach, get a PMA and a life on your own my guess is that he will remember why he fell in love with you in the first place. There isn't a man alive that doesn't appreciate a strong, happy, caring and wonderful woman.
You are special. Just always remember that. Make a list of what makes you special. Refer to it if you need a pick me up.
Or, just come here and we will all tell you the same thing.
I'll always tell you that redheads are smoking hot, so you got that going for you....
WTG....get your shovel out again! Can you believe we're getting more snow!?! I heard we're about to break an ALL TIME record for most snow in a year. Ironic isn't it? It's the year that WE get to do the shovelling!!
I'm actually starting to enjoy it. It gets me outside and it's a great work out.
Anyway...if you have to go out...be careful on the roads. Hope things are going well. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Start using hairspray again girls...but if it gets warmer wouldn't that just bring rain?
My mom told me about winters when she was a girl. The neighbour had to come over and shovel them out of their house one year! I remember winters when there was only one lane ploughed through the town!
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Yep the storm hit and I'm not impressed.. man spring REALLY needs to hurry on up! Due to the storm H had called and said he wasn't going to be able to pick up D2 last night. This is his weekend with her. He then called back and said that he was going to try to make it and to ask if I could keep her up until he gets here.. he said he'd spend the night and then have all day with her on Saturday but that he has to work early on Sunday morning so he would just put her to bed at the house Saturday night.. So he was home last night but he slept on the couch. Surprised? I'm not. That was my expectation... all though a girl can have a sliver of hope can't she?
So although I am still standing for my marriage I will say that for him to come home to stay and work on our marriage it's going to take a miracle.
