Still Confused - Just not as fresh

[Snow White]

I am doing horrible. I think my mission today was to make sure my H hates me by the time we wre separated to make it easier. I woke up this morning and logged into his facebook account to see an email from a friend asking why he hadn't come to the hockey game last night. Well he told me he went to it. Then after he left for work he had texted me, I asked him if he minded me looking at the telus bill. (i had earlier told him while we were "working" on our marriage that we could look at it together and calmly discuss anything that was on it.) He said go ahead. Well of course the phone calls to her were back this month. 38 of them. I guess I shouldn;t be suprised since the reason we are getting separated is because he told me he would not stop contacting her. What really burns me

PUPPY THIS IS FOR YOU Is that he would call her immediately before or after ML to me(and at this point claimed not to be contacting her at all). So I became "crazy neecy" again today. I feel like I am in a place of, I have nothing left to loose. I have contacted H a number of times at work - initially to basically ask him to talk me down. I have composed an email to OW that I have not yet sent but did read to H and he freaked. I have driven by where she works - but she is not there. I am mental.

Do you want to read the email? I dont think I will send it but I wanted to get it out.

"So congratulations. You win. I tried to play the game for my marriage but didnt realize that I had already lost before I started. I do not blame you entirely for what happened, it is quite obvious my husband played a big hand in it and really never made an effort towards our marriage at all. I do hope that amongst all your warm and fuzzies you occasionally think about the cost to other people. I know that you came from a bad place in your relationship so I have no pity for "your BF", but I did not deserve to lose my husband, and definitely did not deserve to be led on for months while the 2 of you got your act together. My beautiful little girl does not deserve to lose her father and her home. And "H," does not see it now but he will lose the most of all.

I sat and talked to you for close to 3 hours and I thought that you seemed like a really decent person. I cannot understand how you could knowingly destroy a family. Again, I believe that "H" may have pursued you through texting and phone calls but that does not mean that you needed to respond with open arms when you knew the cost to my daughter and myself. If you could have had a loving family for your daughter wouldnt you have thought that, that is what she deserved? Maybe you think that is what you are making for her now.

I hope that you can live up to everything that "H" has built you up to be. He is willing to lose not just his home, his wife and his daughter but his entire family and probably most of his friends. Those are some pretty big holes you will need to fill.

I think it is absolutely disgusting that you are renting a house from 2 of our best friends, members of our wedding party and people who I know would not tolerate what has been going on if they knew. Was there no where else for you to go or is this just all part of a sick game?

Believe me I can understand how you could have feelings for "H,"; I think he is pretty special too. I used to think he felt the same about me. Now Im just the person he has sex with every time he gets off the phone with you.