Worried I found DB too late

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((cw))))))
I am impressed at your continued progress! Every day seems better than the last! Great job!

[cw68]

Thanks. I feel better every day.

Saw my therapist today and went in with the thought that I was going to stop seeing her because it seems to be most a bitch session. However, today she really gave me some good insight, challenged me and made me feel like it was a worthwhile use of my time and energy.

While I didn't have any R talk with H tonight, when he left I told him the above and shared with him one big nugget of wisdom I got today. When H and I worked out how the separation would be, we talked about sex and we both thought we wouldn't put it off of the table. However, H has. I asked him why (without pushing, just curious) and he's said he didn't think it would be a good idea but couldn't tell me why.

My C today said that he's probably trying to separate his physical feelings for me from his emotional feelings. It's like a "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" thang where their physical feelings don't affect their emotional feelings (unless there is a lack of physical, which can affect their emotions) as where with women, physical feelings partner with their emotional feelings. He said, "Bingo!" It really did help me and I told my H because I wanted him to know that I understood. I haven't been pushing the physical, but did wonder why he would all of a sudden turn it off. Now I know. It really did ease my mind a lot.

[cw68]

Went out last night after all. I told my H he needed to get a sitter because we are switching days next week and I'm going to miss an event I wanted to attend so I didn't want to miss this Wednesday's invitation. It was a monthly sushi night with some friends. I invited my neighbor/friend of mine and she was going to meet me there.

This neighbor is very close to our family, more the kids and me, they live next door, have our pool in their yard, retired grandparents who pamper me and the kids. She and her husband get along with H, but he doesn't see them as much. Anyway, now that the background is over, I took a shower last night and H came into the room while I was drying my hair to tell me that "R" wasn't meeting me after all, she just came over. I said I'd be down in a few.

When I came into the kitchen H and "R" seemed to actually be having a pretty deep conversation. "R" was talking about how her H has more/different friends than her and she's been struggling to adjust to retired life, etc. H actually opened up to her and shared some personal struggles between us, mentioned our current sitch and our difference with friends. I was pretty surprised as H is usually much more reserved. "R" and her H would be perfect people for O to start feeling more comfortable around and talking to. With age comes wisdom, right?

[Virtually_Handsome]

That's interseting cw. I guess there could be any of a few things going on. He could think that he's found a sympathetic ear that will validate him, and his choices. But it that was the case, I would have expected him to shut up at the first sign you were around. So, hopefully he is getting stuff out, and talking it though. That might lead in a good direction.

((((((cw))))))

[cw68]

He was definitely opening up. "R" and her H have been a great source of support for me and they've shared a number of experiences of their own that have helped. I've passed a number of these on to H. He was actually worried that they'd be mad at him for his choices thus far.

"R" wouldn't validate his choices, because she's of the mindset that he needs to do a 180. Her big worry is that he's going to end up like a number of their friends; guys who left their marriages because they were stale, only to wander from relationship to relationship, lose the tightknit family they once had and then look back and wish they never would have divorced their first wives.

I hope that H gets the opportunity to hang w/ "R" and her husband more as the weather gets nicer. As I said, our pool is in their backyard and we spend many nice days hanging out over their. Usually it's me and the kids afterschool until O comes home for dinner, but because of our separation, it'll probably be him and the kids more than it has ever been. I hope he'll be able to open up to them and realize they are a really good source of support for us and our family.

[cw68]

OK, just came home from running a bunch of errands. Had a little texting today, but I ended it each time. He called while I was getting my D6's haircut, I didn't answer. There's a message on the machine for me asking if I want to stay for dinner. I think I will because I have to work at 7pm, so it can be fun and light and then I'm off. This one is about him and me, not about hanging out with the kids all together, and I'm going to work it. Must go upstairs and primp.

[GoingForward]

Hi, cw. Not entirely familiar with your sitch, but I read this post and just wanted to say....

Work it, girlfriend!

[cw68]

I'm fully primped, but I think I know why he asked me to stay for dinner. He wasn't able to get here on time and will be late. Oh well. I still look good!

[GoingForward]

Yes, you do!

Hope all goes well.

[cw68]

Dinner went well. I was happy, in a good mood and left without hesitation or wistfulness. DB backslid a little last night and asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner tonight after he drops the kids off from t-ball practice. Darn it, as soon as it was out of my mouth I cringed! (Noticing my good/bad DB steps apparently.) He hesitated, but then said yes. Later I texted him and said that I didn't mean to pressure him to stay for dinner. He said that he didn't feel pressure and he'd hang for it.

Must look good again. Making a great dinner is going to be a challenge, however. I work until 5:30pm and my kitchen's getting hardwood floors installed today. Hmmm. Might have to whip up a complete meal on the grill. Or as Californians say, the BBQ.