Thanks to all of you who have expressed concern for my wellbeing. I am OK. Just living day-to-day with a woman who does not want me in her life. Suffice to say I am as good as can be expected. Actually, I am not sure why I am posting this, as I am no longer “busting” a divorce. I am so tired of this. I completely lack all loving and romantic feelings for my wife. Her behavior has driven me here. The bottom line is that I have grown completely intolerant of her selfish, dishonest, narcissistic, and obdurate behavior. I cannot envision myself living the rest of my life like this. I will not do it. I deserve better.
In spite of what others here have said, I do not regret standing up for myself and switching cars a few weeks ago (we have since switched back). I heard what everybody had to say, how I was being petty. How I was making something out of nothing. Well, my wife is having sex with another man. And if my intolerance of this behavior is detrimental to my relationship with my wife, then so be it. What’s wrong is wrong. And I see nothing wrong with “manning up,” even if it’s contrary to textbook DBing. If my intolerance of her adulterous behavior alienates me from her and her family, I cannot be held to account for the division. No. This is not my fault. The bottom line here is that I am growing impatient and intolerant of her behavior, and I have neither reservations nor regrets about my standing up for myself.
See, I can’t do this forever. What I mean is… well, let me put it this way: I am a fan of the television show “The Sopranos” (for those who don’t know, it’s a show about the Mafia in America). And, while watching the show, I was always fascinated by the idea that these people wake up every morning, and walk around every day, wondering if that day is the day that they will be either killed or arrested. As a result, these criminals are always looking over their shoulders; they are always suspicious. And you know, I don’t want to live the rest of my life that way, and if I stay married to my wife, this is exactly what I envision for myself. My wife has been lying to me and cheating on me for a year and a half, and I don’t want to live every day wondering about every business trip, every phone call, every text message, and every email account. I won’t do it. I deserve better.
By my back-of-envelope estimation, there are around 15,000,000 women in America between the ages of 35-45. And I am certain of two things: An awful lot of women in that group would never cheat on me. And there is just one woman in that group whom I am 100% certain would.
I am convinced that DBing both cost me my marriage and saved my life. However, I don’t regret finding this website (and DR), because, in the end, I will be a better person for having followed the principles of DBing and having the loving support of so many of my friends here.
By saying that DBing cost me my marriage, what I mean is that my wife needed to have the door slammed in her face months ago. She needed for me to wake her up – to snap her out of the limmerance of the affair. However, if, in the beginning, I had “slammed the door” by following the tough-love principles of Dobson in Love Must be Tough, I would have failed, because I lacked the backbone and strong self-esteem necessary to follow-through. It’s what would have been best for my marriage, but I could not have pulled it off successfully. So, in my opinion, my only pathway to my personal success was to use MWD’s principles of DBing, and re-construct myself. And because my wife has an “addictive personality,” she is less inclined to give up her boyfriend/finace in favor of the stronger and better me. It is what it is, and IMO, there was no way around it.
So I will carry on with my life having weathered the storm, and I will thrive in the end. I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually a very different person than I was just six months ago. I am a giant now, a strong and desirable person. I will continue to evolve into the person that I envision myself as being.
There is a very lucky woman for me out there. I will be patient and picky in finding her. I am not in a hurry to fill the empty space in my life. I will enjoy being a happy single father, knowing that I did my best to stop the divorce. My wife is responsible for pulling the rope in the guillotine. I did my very best to stop the execution, and I can be confident knowing that I kept my word.
