Hanging On To What I Believe In - 2

[ba065]

Update: Sorry this may be kinda long.....

Hey everyone! Just a quick update on my sitch. H didn't notice that I was late coming home yesterday as he didn't arrive home until 6:30 (about an hour after me). I didn't bring it up. I could tell he was really agitated...he said he had been at work (believe it if you want to...I'm not sure). Anyway, he immediately went upstairs to take a hot bath and unwind. Said we could have stew for dinner when he came back down. I was doing laundry and when I took some things up to put them away I could hear him talking to himself...having one of those 2 person conversations like he's done in the past. I overheard him talking like he was talking to MOW and he'd say both parts of the conversation (I know this is weird...but he's been doing it alot lately). Anyway, in his 2 way conversation they were arguing about something....and I heard him say F#$% everyone, F@#$ everything, F@#$ me.....then after a long pause he said F@#$ you. That was all I heard as I decided to go back downstairs. He wasn't on the cell phone as he had taken it into the guest room and plugged it into the charger.

The cell phone thing is another story. He doesn't go ANYWHERE without that phone attached to his hip. Not even when he takes a bath...it's always right next to him so he can "take that important call" from MOW. I know yesterday I said the boss cracked down about cell phone usage...but H did tell me it was directed at everyone in the office, not him alone....so it surprised me that he didn't have the cell with him in the bathroom.

H came down and we ate the stew I'd made Monday night. We both enjoyed it. He tried working on his homework for about 30 minutes but couldn't concentrate at all....he was emotionally drained and completely wiped out. I offered to give him a backrub to help him relax and he accepted. After about 30 minutes he said he thought he just wanted to go to bed and asked if I would lay with him for a few minutes until he relaxed. So at 8 we went upstairs and got ready for bed. I told him I would probably go back downstairs after he went to his room and surf the internet for awhile and he said that was fine. Well, he went into the guest room and got both of his pillows from the bed and brought them into our room.....this is weird, because he never does that. He got under the covers and laid down and grabbed ahold of my hand really tight. I asked him if he was alright and he said no....started to cry and said "I just don't feel good...I'll be fine". I didn't question, just stated that I was sorry he was feeling down and under the weather. He was snoring in about 15 minutes...weird too, because he never sleeps or tries to fall asleep in our room...he's always there a few minutes and jumps up to go back to his room (can't miss a phone call you know). The cell was still in the guest room...weird again....

I did get up for about 15 minutes after 9, just sent out a text message and had a glass of orange juice...then headed back to bed.

H stayed in our room all night. He was either holding my hand or wrapped around me all night. He was so clingy...almost desperate acting. He slept pretty well all night...but I didn't...it was weird. I almost didn't know how to act or what to think...he hasn't slept all night with me since November...except for the two days his parents visited in January.

He seemed better this morning, although still down and kinda of withdrawn. He kissed me goodbye and said he'd call me from work...but it was just a bizzare night.


These are the things I made a mental note of to remember....
1. No expectations whatsoever.
2. Don't be disappointed when he moves back into the guest room, even if it's tonight.
3. Keep a PMA.
4. Continue to GAL.
5. Remain consistent. If he is having problems with MOW, he felt confortable/safe with me last night.
6. Don't ask questions...just listen if he's talking and use the typical responses I've been using for the past 7 months.
7. Present myself in a upbeat/positive manner no matter how I feel inside.
8. Pray for a safe journey for both of us and ask for the strenght to continue to stand.
9. Pray for MOW and her H (even though I don't want to) ask for help for their R and for me to be able to forgive.
10. Quit assuming what is happening everyday...just see what happens daily and quit jumping to conclusions.

Is there anything anyone else thinks I should do or remember? I'm pretty overwhelmed and surprised right now. Didn't see this coming...don't know????

Thanks!

BA