Helloooo...Smoother Ride....Where Are You?? - Pt.2

[SueS]

Hi everyone. Thank you so much for coming by. Sheila, I almost called you after I got the call from OW's H. Just to actually talk to someone.

I guess I didn't word all of my post correctly. OW & her H are both talking about moving back to CA with the kids. OW told her H that if they move back to CA, she will not move in with him and that she and my H had talked about a move to Orange County. So, OW's H would also be making the move. His hope at first was that this would take her away from my H and they could try again. She's insistent that it's over between her and her H. No matter if my H moves out there, OW's H WILL NOT be away from his family. He said that the talk about moving to CA is getting pretty serious. He also said that OW mentioned June as a significant time frame. I told him that our lease is up in either June or July. I believe that OW & H are planning to live here together in MN until plans work out for CA. Or that's what's being talked about now.

Although with me being sick the call from OW's H didn't come at the best time, I told him I appreciated the call. I needed to know. He asked me if I'd seen any signs that my H is moving toward leaving. I told him yes/no. He's done a few things here and there, but nothing major. Although I did tell him that H has been receiving email links for apartments from someone. He has not been searching for them. At least not at home. OW's H is afraid that OW will get angry with him and take him for anything/everything she can and use the kids as an excuse. He mentioned that he has talked to their oldest about a few things and plans to gently (as he put it) discuss more with her. She's 13. I understand his reasons. She will have the hardest time with this, especially if she were to be blindsided.

Thanks- Sue

[saffie]

Sue,

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

If it's any consolation, I just can't see that your H is going to cope with OW's 4 children. I have 4 and it gets harder as they get older and they all have different needs and very loud voices. There are quite a few days when if I wasn't their biological mother I think I would walk - I just can't see your H dealing with that and I can't see OW having the patience to deal with the reality of your H on a day to day basis. If nothing else the drinking will drive them apart.

Hang in there Sue

[SueS]

Hi Saffie-

Glad to hear from you, as always!

I just don't see things lasting with OW either. My H has a hard time coping with being a provider, an H and a father and we've been with him for years. How does he expect to step into a world with a woman with 4 kids that will no doubt (at least 2 of them) know he's the person that their mom left their dad for. He gets upset quickly with our D when she's cranky. I also picture H's 20-something friends coming over all the time. Although I'm sure it will be fine at first, with 4 kids around, I'm sure the fun would quickly end.

You know, I was laying here today thinking that I just want this over with. Not necessarily my M, but the pain. I don't know how much more I can honestly take. OW's H said he feels like this is the calm before a very large storm. We both agreed that we'll have to go through the devestation all over again when they leave. My H came home early today, as he's been sick. His boss heard his hacking cough and told him to go home & take care of himself.

Last week H emailed me reminding me that it was the birthday of a very good friend of ours. He asked me to call or email him. I emailed him. He responded asking how things were going. As I always have been with him, I was honest about our situation. I told him that I've wanted to contact him about it for a long time but didn't have the strength. He replied today telling me that he was saddened to hear that it was as bad as it was, but to please call or email him anytime I needed anything and he would be there for me and help me hold myself together. He told me that H hadn't contacted him in a long time, even when he'd called & left messages for H. He also said that H was very "brief" when answer questions about me and told our friend that all is well. He's a very, very sweet man. And might I add, a much older man. He's more of a father figure to H and I.

[SueS]

Hi everyone-

Just wondering if I can get any takers to come and take care of me for just a day or two. I don't need a lot of attention, just some one to ask me how I feel or offer to bring me something to drink when I'm coughing or tissues when I'm sneezing. Anything.

When I was so down and out on Sunday until very late in the day, H paid me no attention at all. I had run some errands on Sat. and the only thing H said to me on Sunday was to ask if I'd forgotten something at the store and then drilled me as to why I hadn't bought the cooking oil he wanted. Thankfully later in the day he got better. I guess I did a good enough job of proving I was so sick!

It's been a tough day between not feeling well and thinking about all the things OW's H and I talked about yesterday. It's been very hard to hold my tounge around H the past few days too.

One thing I failed to mention that OW's H told me is that OW had called a psychic a few weeks ago. He found the notes she had about the call and he said they were very hurtful to him. One of them said....the new man in your life is genuine. OW told him that they weren't notes from the call, but rather feelings she had before the call that were verified by the psychic. I kept wondering how she can feel that a man who is willing to leave his family & break up hers is genuine? I know, I'm questioning things too much again. Just can't help it today.

Got D3 ready for school today and she looked so pretty. She had a dress on with tights and she wanted her hair put up. She's been telling everyone that she's having a 4th birthday party. We haven't planned anything yet, so I guess we have some work to do.

Have a great evening.

SueS

[LL44]

I hear ya on the sick thing. Before Florida when I was so sick, H didn't ask ONCE about me. Not once. Like you, D3 and D6 took better care of me than H. They are detached, they can't care. But, I don't know about your H, my H has never been sympathetic to sick people.

Its hard to learn all that stuff about OW and your H. Believe me, I heard tons of future plans that OW and my H had. They all hurt. But we are doing the best we can.

PS: I care. I would bring you water and tissues and even say "Bless you" when you sneeze. I would snatch up your cute D3 in her dress, and take her to play with my girls so you can sleep and rest. HUGS!

[SueS]

lwb-

The only words that come to my mind are Thank You!

SueS

[Rob1231]

((((Sue)))) Hope you feel better soon.

Sounds to me like OW's H needs to learn the "Believe none of what you hear" rule. Sheesh, a phone psychic - am I the only one who finds that so over the edge stupid/crazy that it's actually funny? Hey OW, what cartoon character are YOU?

[SueS]

Hi Rob-

Feeling a little better today. D3 still has a tough cough hanging on, so I might get her an appointment just in case. I'm definately a "better safe than sorry" kind of mom when it comes to her health.

You are not the only one that find it over the edge and funny about the psychic. Ms. Cleo actually came to my mind when he mentioned that. I mean c'mon. I know everyone is entitled to their beliefs, but really.

OW's H is determined at this point to keep holding on. He wants to be there, as he put it, when the bottom falls out. He wants to be there to catch OW when she falls. He keeps telling me to hold on and encouraging me to keep the faith. I keep telling him that I'm trying. But, he needs to understand that this may be the first time around for an A for OW, but it is not for me. It's harder to keep going and see a positive light for my sitch when my H has done this before and is the aggressor. I know OW is 50/50 here, but when she walks the other way, my H chases her.

Had a nice long talk with my sister last night. It's been about a week since we talked. She's the one whose daughter was in the accident around my birthday, so life with dr. and dentist appointments has been very busy for her. My niece, thankfully, is doing very, very well.

Work has been busy, so that's been good. My mind stays occupied for the most part.

Speaking of work, I do need to get back to it!

Have a great day.

SueS

[JoieDeVivre]

Sue,
I'm doing some interesting reading on people with drinking problems/alcoholics. I thought this was interesting: that most have several personality traits in common. I read these and know some, not all, fit my H to a T.

- excessive dependency
- emotional immaturity
- low frustration tolerance
- inability to express emotions
- high level of anxiety in interpersonal relationships
- low self-esteem
- grandiosity
- feelings of isolation
- perfectionism
- ambivalence towards authority
- guilt

(I wonder if these characteristics could be applied to other addictions, even A's.)

Joie

[SueS]

Hi Joie

I'd love to see what you're reading. The list you sent was very interesting to me. I was also able to go down and put a check mark next to almost each one as far as my H goes.

Well, I took D3 to the Dr. yesterday. No flu, no bronchitis...etc. That's a good thing. However, the Dr. said she's seen a lot of very "strong" cold strains come through. Poor baby may have it hang on for another week. I talked to her this morning and she sounded so sad.

Quiet night last night. H worked until 9:00 and left to go workout right away when he got home. He called from work last night to check on D3, but otherwise it seems that he hasn't been talking to me unless it's absolutely necessary. He may know that OW's H called me again. He seems to find that out. You know, it's like they have to mentally beat you down and drain you to the point where you want to give up. I mean, I've made mistakes too, but I'm not a bad person. I may not be what he wants in his life, but I'm not evil. He's told me he doesn't hate me, so why treat me as if he does. He treats total strangers better than he treats me. I did get him wondering the other day. He called and I answered in a very happy voice. His first question was.....what's got you so cheery? Me: Oh nothing, just a nice day!

I have a friend that I've talked about before that I saw back in Nov. for the 1st time in about 14 years. We'd unfortunately had a falling out back then & lost touch. She emailed me yesterday and made me feel better............
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Sue-

I know that you're dealing with so much right now and I wish I could say or write the perfect thing, but I don't have the perfect advice.

I do know that you deserve the best in life, you deserve to be happy- You were always my friend that was so full of life and always had a wonderful spark-I always knew when I was with you life was fun. Even when life wasn't going well for you or me, I could still feel that spark and knew that things would get better. Just remember that I know that you still have that spark and that's what will get you and D3 through this.

Remember that I'm here if you ever need me.....

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Have a great day everyone!

SueS