Questioning the concept of MLC and "Standing"

[missmyfriend]

Without discussing anyones particular sitch , I want to only comment on whether MLC is real or not.

I believe beyond a shadow of doubt that MLC does exist. The challenge is that I do not consider it to be the root cause of why a person decides to make drastic changes in their lives but a causal factor that makes them evaluate who they should be and what they should be doing.

In a majority of cases, we have shared stories of our mates developing years that may have precipitated their strange behavior and actions. Many of our spouses have been either emotionally or physically abused. Many have been abandonded by one or both parents; sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally. Although it falls under emotional abuse IMO, raising children without structure, love, moral and ethical boundaries, creates confusion and little or no stability to base future decisions by.

My point is that I believe MLC is very real but it is really more of the effect than the cause of what we are seeing. It was a turning point, of sorts, in a persons life where they evaluate the direction that they felt requires adjustment. All people go through ML or mid-life, where for some people it becomes a crisis or MLC, with various levels of intensity in between.

So some people may be "jerks" but where they before they went through a mid-life analysis? If they were, they decided to be that way regardless of the mid life issue. If they weren't, being a jerk once mid-life analysis has started may be a temporary effect of their evaluation of who they think they should be. Like any "illness", and I believe that some are truly ill with depression, bi-polar or some other DSM classificatin (the American Psychiatric Assn classification of mental disorders) being exhibited, it may be treated through therapy, pharmaceuticals or a combination of both. But like alcoholism, the person has to make that decision on their own for any chance to be successful.

In my situation and any other LBS, it is a personal decision whether we choose to wait out what our loved one decides to do in their life. During their "journey" we have to decide if we want to work on ourselves, to make improvements in our own character.