That is so crazy about the affair spouse getting so worked up that the betrayed spouse snoooped into the affair. I would say that the affair is a much worse betrayal than snooping. I guess from their perspective, they are in fantasy land and dont want you bringing reality into it by snooping and discovering it. You intruded into their own personal fantasy life.
Kerry is so right, it is crazy!! But, never-the-less that is how it is. B/c the A is private for the S and then they feel violated, caught, guilty, and mad. They want to take all their anger out on the S for snooping into their privacy. It doesn't make sense, but then they aren't normal in this state they are in. The snooping will drive them away from you and forward to the OP. I almost hated my H when I discovered he had snooped. For one thing, I saw a side of him that I had never seen before and I did not like him at all! Of course he had the right to react the way he did, but still I was outraged to say the least. Not normal, but that is the way it is. Some H's make their W's show him everything after he discovers the A by snooping, but that makes her feel like a prisoner and a child with no will of her own, and I don't think it is always a good idea. Some women would rebel about that (me for one) and I'm sure most H's would not go along with it if they are the S that is in the A.
I know how tempting it would be for me to snoop if I suspected he was having an A, but, as I've said, from this side of the fense I can tell you.....don't do it. Remember, they are crazy!
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
