I have not checked this website for probably two months now. The reason is that finally things are getting better. In fact, they are currently better than they have been in the entire eight years of our marriage. Now, this may be a temporary bubble, but I think we can sustain it and continue to make things better yet.
My story is a very common one. You can view all of it at
Wife can't decide between me and OM However, the long and short of it was that after a year or more of both of us being quite unhappy, my wife said she wanted a divorce. I was ready to agree until I realized that there was another man involved. Perhaps this made me view the situation a bit differently, and I resolved to fight for the marriage.
I was fortunate that the "affair" was limited to emails and only a couple of non-sexual encounters. I know this since I was monitoring my W's email (which made things very difficult for me, but gave me the illusion of having some control of a situation out of my control).
W kept saying that she would stop emailing OM, and kept going back to him. I did what I could to follow the suggestions of DBing. I did not confront (very often) and made no demands of her at all. I supported her, was caring and respectful towards her, and did what I could to be a better person.
I can't say that I did a dramatic 180, or that I changed my behaviour dramatically. However, after about seven months of this "affair" my wife has finally abandoned it, and has had a 180 of her own. She now sees me in a completely different light than she has over the last several years, and her behaviour is changing. She is more affectionate and more likely to reflect on her own behaviours and how they affect me. As a result, I am continuing to change and we're in an ongoing cycle of positive change.
So, do try to follow the guidelines offered through this site. Don't push, don't plead, try not to spy and snoop, and just concentrate on being a better person for yourself.
Dear Questioning, Thank you for your thread! It is so great to hear about your R improvements. Please know it is an encouragement to others.
If you can offer any more specific DB information as to what helped, please continue to share. As someone that has gone through the "trenches", your words carry a lot of value and can be very helpful.
Again, thank you and congratulatons!
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Again, thank you and congratulatons!