Sandi's Here in Piecing from Almost WAW

[Dom R]

Hi Sandi,

thanks for taking the time to reply to what i wrote. i understand it's a pretty "big issue" type thing to think over, and tough to reply to.
i read over what you wrote.

and let me also add, that I am really happy to hear the more positive side of things between you and your H still! YOu have improved things between you two a whole lot in the last few months. Way to go!!



[much longer post snipped ]
Analysing the past a bit further...
for what it's worth, I think the radical changes in you, were more due to the "addiction" factor of your online EAs, (as you put it), rather than MLC.

Which is good for you in one sense! it means no more radically different behaviour from you, since you've 'kicked the habit'.

On the down side though:

People who enter MLC, usually do so, because of themselves. They are adjusting to a new phase in their lives; they are depressed because of it; they would hit that depression, whether their spouse was in their lives or not. Once they (ideally) adjust to the fact that, yes, they really are (40/50/...) years old.. their depression goes away.

Whereas the major cause of your depression was, it seems like, more directly, the way your husband treated you.

You have successfully conquered "your addiction". For this, we all cheer you on

What still worries me, though, is that the original cause of your depression, is still there. And still behaving mostly in the same way. Hence... why you are still battling depression.

As one of your medical practitioners said to you... erm.. I dont remember, but basically alluded to, "you're depressed, and it isnt just 'in your mind': you have a real life cause of your feelings of depresion"


To piggy-back on what forest was saying to you:

Make him get up. He can push the button that says stand.

Forrest, if I couldn't do it when I was 18 years old, how the heck do you think I can do it now as broken down and sick as I am? If he is a "real" man, I shouldn't have to opperate him like a puppet.

He isnt a "real man". Whatver you think is a "real man": he isnt. he will never be.
That doesnt mean that he cant be a "good man" to you.

I think you men get off easy by saying that we women have to show you how to be happy and to push your buttons for you to stand up, etc.

that's not what he, or I, is saying.

I think what we are both saying, is that "you women" have to tell the man in your life, how YOU can be happy.
[and for the specific case of your husband, that involves him getting up out of his chair and doing things with you ]


I'll stand back now, and let Forrest push at you now. Let's see if he can "push your buttons" better than I can