Well today I woke up and found she had texted me last night while I was at yoga. Just small talk, saying she had found a way to listen to some motivational stuff online. Definite baby step. I didn't reply.
Next: I have been waiting weeks for a chance to talk to a Senior VP of a competitor, for potential talk of a job change. Today he emailed me. Wants a breakfast meeting 2 weeks from today. So I broke my code (don't initiate contact with W) just this once. I emailed her simply "let the games begin" and pasted the VP's email below it.
Here's her response: WOO HOO!!! I'm so excited for you....Now it's my turn to say that I want all good things for you and I hope you get what you want from your meeting :-) Shoot for the moon Mink - you deserve it
She's acknowledging all the times I've cheered her on, and wishing me well, too.
Maybe not a baby step, but a positive exchange with no hint of R talk or pressure.
Any day that we don't go backwards is a positive for me. Neutral is the new forward
Well, Jen...I guess we will find out on Saturday and Sunday.
For those who haven't been following my intrepid journey, Saturday is her birthday. I have purchased a beautiful gift for her, and I'm taking her out to a high-end restaurant. This was all arranged when things were going well for us, and she told me not to cancel.
Sunday, the whole family is coming here for dinner, to celebrate both W's and her mom's birthdays. It should be a total blast.
Although I plan to be a DB robot the entire weekend, I would appreciate everyone's advice on how to be, what to do, what NOT to do, etc.
For instance, do I kiss her when I pick her up? Hug? Because it is a romantic restaurant, will she feel pressured or relaxed? I suppose it depends on how I behave ~
Sunday will be easier. I will just relax...enjoy her company, and enjoy seeing my kids, their partners, and the in-laws. Interact. Laugh. Pay attention to her, but not too much. See if she comes to me. Look for signs.
For Saturday, Be fun, open, witty, interesting, etc. Stay the course. Don't have R talk. Don't initiate a hug. Be as relaxed as possible. You're out with a good friend, that's all. No romance, just fun.
You may, MAY, be in a stage where you can flirt a little. What does you DB counselor say? At one point mine told me it was time to start flirting and she gave me some specific words to say. (trying hard now to remember them :-P)
I say better too slow than too fast. Detaching always brings them closer.
Have fun.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
W called a while ago...we talked for 80 minutes....my ear is sore!
Really, really nice chat, she asked a little more about the email I sent a few days back, basically saying I was comfortable with her moving on, and I don't expect her back; same goes for me.
She said "why did I wake up this morning thinking you wanted a divorce?"
I told her again that I prefer that we are together, but if she wants to move on I won't hold her back. I do mean that. There is no pressure, and no guilt to be felt by either of us.
She thanked me for that, and then threw a bit of a curveball. Started throwing "if we get back togethers" into the conversation. I said we went too fast last time, so now we should just relax and take it easy. We should start again as friends and just see where that takes us. She agreed and thought we should keep the future open.
Two nights ago I asked her if she thought she'd be moving on. She said probably.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Keep fighting the good fight, MM.