PMA = Me

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process I lost my ability to detach from W

I really struggled with detaching: what it meant, how to do it, how can you love someone and be detached. Now, I think I'm having a little trouble attaching. Don't want to be too attached, which I think I was.

Detaching. You can be too detached, but I don't think you need to worry about that. I came to think of it like this: A co-worker tells me about his knee that he hurt while skiing. I like this guy, and I'm sorry he's hurt, I really am. But when quiting time comes around, I go home and forget about his pain. It doesn't mean I'm not interested or concerned, just not attached, or correctly detached. Moving closer, my best friend is having a tough time. I hurt for him, but still I can go out and have fun at dinner with other friends. I'm detached. I can put it out of my mind. Their pain is not my pain. I can sympothize, even empothize, put it's not my pain. Is this working?

It's partly, mainly, the control issue. What can you control? If you can't control it, let it go. Don't let someone elses mood affect yours.

meanwhile, you GAL. You control what you can control and move ahead. Let go of what you can't control, take care of what you can control.

Obviously, she is attraced to you in many ways. From that, the other kinds of attraction will build. They talk about the spouse being addicted to the OP. Well, they are addicted to their spouses too. She's still addicted to you. She can't help it. It's physical and chemical. Thinking about her being attracted to you may help your ego, it may help you see the small postives that will give you the strength to keep going, but it may be in the way of detaching.

You mentioned that you need stop being her friend for a while. I hear you. You may need that to an extent to really be able to find the right level of detachment. Can you still be her friend though, just not as close? Can you listen if she wants to talk? It's really tough to walk that tight rope. Detach, but not too far. Give her space, but be ready to be there if she is ready.

You can think of it as a challenge and as problem solving if you want. A huge challenge that will really test you. And you can do it, and you'll feel great when you do.

Do what you need to for you though to detach. If you need some time, take it. Since I had kids, I found it really hard to just cut the ties, even for a short while, but I wanted to.

I think I'm babbling, or soon will, so I'll stop there. I think you're doing well. You're going down the right path.

Good luck,