NatureGirl, your thread locked.
Something in there you wrote about here.

The R talk you had with your husband.

NG, I think that was a very hard talk. I think you did well.
Stepping back just a little, I read that it seems you want more from him.

this part in particular:
Quote:

- He doesn't want to talk to the kids until we have this all figured out.
- He has been ignoring it and hoping it will all go away.
- A couple times I felt like he just heard what he wanted to out of things that I said.
- H: Maybe I am just having a mlc. I don't think I am at all, but maybe I am.
- H: Im not selfish, Ive never done a selfish thing in my life and I dont think Im being selfish now
- H: I just want whats best for the kids given the circumstances and I think they can be okay unless you do things to make them not okay
- H: I enjoy this R we have right now and I dont know why we still cant be like this, doing stuff w/ the kids together but i dont have any other feelings for you than that
- H: one possibility is to just stay like this forever.
- I asked if we could just stay like this then why dont you want to at least try to stay like this but also try to find our intimacy -- he didnt like when I asked why he cant try.

It's great that he feels like he can be honest with you. That it is safe to say these strong things. Sounds like he is looking for a way out. "stay this way forever" is MLC code language for, I feel hopeless, I feel like a failure, I don't want to fail any more, I don't want to try anymore, I am tired.

You accepted that, but came right back with "why don't we try some more?"

Listen I have done the same thing, so don't think I am trying to pick on you. But the way I Read it, he was offering you something, and you could have accepted it more gently without asking for more.

you could have said - ok. I'm willing to consider that.

I'm not saying you should have because that is up to each particular person. I'm not even sure that is a tenable plan. It wouldn't be for me.

But could you have been more empathetic and accepting?