Runningoutoftime: We are still discussing things in a friendly way but any physical contact is a definite no no, I get a friendly kiss on the cheek on a good day.
Today W said an emotional farewell to OM by telephone. I believe she is genuine. W has done it because she does not want to leave our children. She is grief stricken at the moment and more than a little depressed. I have never seen her so emotional or sad.
I know there is nothing I could or should say, as Michelle advises I need to let her come out of this funk on her own, but.....
I really feel for her in spite of what has happened so the MLC roller coaster continues!
Wow, good for you being such a caring guy in spite of the MLC ugliness. You are a a strong and admirable person. Your children and wife are very lucky to have a guy like you in their lives.
By the way, I've read about other guys here who have gone through a similar situation to yours. Situations where the wife left an affair she felt emotionally tied to, because she knew it was wrong, or didn't want to hurt the children. The thing you need to keep in mind, and not take personally, is sometimes they don't "feel love" right away towards their husbands or marriage. But over time those feelings do come back (oftentimes deeper than originally there).
You will just need to be patient and not expect too much for her. Expect her to grieve the loss of the affair/fantasy she had.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thanks runingoutoftime, in many ways this seems to be the hardest time because the wish to reconnect with her is so strong.
I suspect she will keep in touch with OM because she does care for him and he must be hurting too, but it is her life and at least she has made a commitment to stay with us.
There are signs of her re-connecting with her old life, doing some of the things she was doing 6 months ago, so I see that as positive.
I just keep reminding myself that now more than ever patience is the most important thing, I must let her resolve things at HER own pace.
As suspected she is keeping in touch with OM and they seem both to hold out hope of getting back together physically.
I am so sorry you found this out. But don't panic just yet. You seem very compassionate, and still love your W deeply, so I think if you wait it out a bit (with some patient nudging/reminders about her re-committing to the family), she'll be back intact soon enough. Take care! If only all of the DB women had H's like you, this site wouldn't even be necessary!
Thanks lwb; Just had another long 'relationship/I don't know what to do discussion' with W.
Wants to move out and live with OM in his country but needs a divorce quickly because she cannot co-habit there because of Islamic law. But if she can't co-habit how does she know what he will be like to live with etc etc.
OM is 11 years younger so W already feels insecure.
Or wants to live near us so she can see our children and still see OM if he returns to this country but doesn't want the kids to know about OM. I.e. keep her toy boy close for a PA.
Or wants to live in same house and see OM as above.
Or try to stay in M.
Lots of MLC behaviors showing as well. In the last 2 months she has definitely decided to do all of the above at some point!!
Not sure if these are actual choices/decisions or MLC 'clinging to the edge of the mattress'/false hope behaviors. Lots of 'cake and eat it too' I think. Typical MLC?
Getting a bit dizzy with it now but still hanging in there in the hope that all is well before the children find out what has been going on.
