Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you. Lots of thoughts buzzing around in my head....
First, I'm trying to understand where your H is "at" right now. (Other than with his head where the sun don't shine, obviously.) You said in a previous post he is "improving, but stuck and afraid to risk anything". I guess the immediate gut reaction I have to that statement is - he IS risking, risking EVERYTHING! And it seems to me that you laid that out to him, some time ago, when you "bombed him back." Would you agree?
Reminds me of the old Rush song that says "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." I sit here and ask myself, does he not understand where this path is going to take him? Or does he understand it, but is unwilling to change? Or unable to?
To give him a tiny bit of credit, you did say he is improving - what does that look like to you, and how do you respond to it?
Second, WTF is up with your MC? It sounds from your description like he/she is content to sit back and let you explode in these sessions, and that either is supporting H's "SD is the crazy one" attitude, or comes across that way. True? Seriously, I just can't get my head around that.
Would it help to talk to MC one-on-one? Or are they just completely worthless? Or is the problem really more H, and any MC would be similarly helpless to improve things?
Third, there's you. I'm so glad to hear you are still Happy SD, still GALing and growing. Never lose your grip on that, it is what has gotten you this far, and it's the most important thing of all. But it seems like you're losing sight of that person when you are around H these days - letting HIS problems change YOUR attitude.
So, I would like to suggest, you've vented in MC and you've vented here - rightly so! Now, pull back a bit and focus more on you - same old mantra, right? Ease off on the Drama with a Capital D for a couple of days - not for H, but for yourself. Get out of the immediacy of your upset emotions, and have some fun. Then come back and tackle all of this with a calmer frame of mind. OK?
Finally, yes, of course I would love to meet you, Jen and the rest of the gang someday. (Talked with Jen just once, almost a year ago, when I was in Memphis with Ian and the gang - I can still remember her voice. ) As you said over on my thread, we have gone through some amazingly tough things together - you all will always hold a special place in my heart.
Hope things look rosier for you very soon! Many hugs! (((((SD)))))
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!