Mixed Signals - version 13...

[catfan]

Dom you are close to my personal theory and that of a few folks that know her.

1) She knows it'll work but is afraid it won't. (She's made some indication to this in the past.)
2) She's so stressed by work that she can't see how working on our marriage will reduce her stress or having a good marriage will reduce her stress.
3) She wants someone else to do the work.
4) She doesn't want to face her own demons and issues.

I think #1 is slowly, very, very slowly eroding because of my changes. #2 goes hand in hand with #4 in she's no addressing her issues that ultimately are the root cause of most of her stress. While #3 is her just hiding from #2 and 4.

So where does it leave me? I think focusing on me and moving myself forward in life. I can't do her work for her and she knows it. Ultimately she'll have to come to terms with that idea and to terms with the fact that her issues will still be with her married to me or not.

[Dom R]

So where does it leave me? I think focusing on me and moving myself forward in life. I can't do her work for her and she knows it.

Weeel... that's true to some extent.
However, it's also possible for you to choose to compensate, to some degree, for whatever "personal issues" she has.
It's a whole lot more work on your site. But it's not a "cant" decision. It's a "I choose not to take an unfairly high burden solely on myself" decision.

silly trivial example: you fight over dirty dishes in the sink. The house gets smelly.
you could both discuss "well, we can alternate doing dishes".
OR, you could agree, "well, i'll do dishes, if you do..."
OR... you could decide that you would always do the dishes, without any recognition or compensation from her
OR....you could decide not to put in any more effort on behalf of someone who is so selfish.

The first two, are a joint decision. The last two, are soley a unilateral decision that you can choose to make by yourself.
In other words, you "could" choose to "do her work for her", and allow her to avoid the spectre of dirty dishes . The question is, whether you will choose to.

Ultimately she'll have to come to terms with that idea and to terms with the fact that her issues will still be with her married to me or not.

She doesnt "have to" do anything of the sort. Unfortunately.
The people who get remarried 2,3,4 times, still with the same issues they drag along with them, are proof of this.