I called our EAP support today and set up 3 times within the next 3 days that a lawyer can contact us to discuss what needs to be done for a legal separation.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
.... it is not that I can say I would never take him back, it is more that I don't think I can be a person that he would want to come back to given the idea of him living with OW.
Are you saying that if he decides to live with OW, you will not forgive him? Just trying to understand.
Where did he go? To family's? To the friend he's been hanging out with lately?
Do what you have to do to protect yourself and your D. He may not want to live there at the moment, but he still has an obligation to take care of his family.
(((((((Neecy)))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Did not read ahead and did not realize what had happened. My heart hurts for ya. AND yes you are strong. You have done more than I have done. I wish I had your courage. stay strong girl. If ya need to vent and want to e-mail me my address is in my profile
Drlove
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I wish I had your courage. To set the boundaries and see them through is a truly scary thing, but no matter what, you and your D will be better for it in the end.
Keep your head up and know that you are doing the best thing for you and you don't have to "settle" for whatever crumbs he is willing to give you. Stay strong...
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I am not saying I would not forgive him - I am not sure about that, But I don't believe that I can be a nice sweet person he would want to come back to during the process so in the end he would not want me anyways. The only way I can get through this is to shut down.
He actually was going to his moms and I suggested he not leave that night since skye was in bed but to wait and tell her in the morning, I didn;t think it was fair especially in the recent confusion (him out Superbowl night, her and I gone for 2 days to my parents).
I am really uncertain with the way he has been acting whether he was just trying as hard as he could to push me to make this decision or not. He still contests that this is my decision he didn't say he wanted things to be over just that he couldn't stop calling her. Well I guess it is my decision then.
He refused to tell D this morning. I told him he needed to tell her while I was there so I could hear what he said. When he refused I started which turned into an argument about how I never do what he "tells me to do" For 12 years now....
I asked him what his plans were tonight - he has none - he asked what I wanted him to do. (of course this is all by text) I replied I would like you to help me with the house. I will start cleaning and maybe you can go around and start a list of things that need to be done (patching, painting ect)
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
A separation (or a divorce, if it comes to that) will NOT be "your decision." You merely laid out your boundaries of personal integrity, the conditions by which you were willing to stay in the marriage. No reasonable person can be expected to maintain a marriage while their spouse is actively engaging in an affair, blatantly, right under their nose, and to say "I can't stop" is weak and morally indefensible.
No, the consequences, previously stated, merely KICKED IN, and they kicked in by HIS actions, not yours.
Let me ask you: if you tell a child "if you don't clean your room, you are grounded for one day," and they say "I'm sorry, I just can't clean my room," and you ground them, is that YOUR decision, or a CONSEQUENCE OF THEIR ACTION???
Oh, I know -- you'll never "reach" HIM right now with this stuff, I'm just telling YOU so you won't blame yourself. I've never been a big believe in "Oh! We mustn't spook the infidels!" but rather think that each has to set their own boundaries and learn to enforce them, otherwise they'll never feel good about themselves.
Don't let H make you feel like you pushed him to this and that makes you the bad guy. Wrong. He doesn't realize it yet, but someday he's going to truly regret his decision.
Detach, neecy. Cry here, vent here. Focus on you. Do what you gotta do for you and D. You are a brave woman for having stood up for yourself, and I respect you for that. One day your H will, too.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Thank you every body. If it wasn't for the people here I am not sure I would have found the strength. You are a very impressive group and I am lucky that you have taken the time to share with me.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
