It's the guilt. In my situation, anyway, I think that is the main issue: unresolved guilt. Often my wife said, when we were in therapy, that she did not feel guilt. The therapist would ask her about it. Regularly. And W would deny any feelings of guilt. That never made sense to me.
Then later she made a remark to me that my mother "had forgiven her". My mother passed away in 2004; she was a beautiful, strong person. Wifey and Mom were close. Why would she make that remark if she were not struggling with guilt?
Why is it that she cut herself off from my entire family, with whom she was close? Why can she not talk to them these days? Why can she not face them?
But of course I am not in a situation anywhere close to SF's situation. My wife is afraid of me and is acting in fear. We are in divorce court, filing papers, and so on. It is not a pretty sight.
In her filings, she continues to use language of a victim. She says her affair was a "symptom of a bad marriage". Everything is my fault. She has never really accepted responsibility for making the decision to have an affair. She says in her filings that therapy "didn't work" to resolve my issue (which she says is anger). But she doesn't say that she walked out of therapy, refused to go back.
ah
a shame.
Anyway SF, I think you are right, it's the guilt. What can you do about it? Maybe Act As If. Which I am sure you are already doing.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
