So ask me if I think your spouse reading DB or your posts is a good idea...I'd personally say no.
Quite a while back I showed my W the link I put in my sig to the pictures of us and told her that she would not want to read my threads as it speaks the truth. She was a little upset that her picture was there, so I took it out.
Even though I know my M is over, I will still treasure the many good times I had as a family. Here is one of them: Disney 2005
RTL - That pic was from some photo album pages I used to keep up to date on my company's web server so W's brother and mother in Thailand could see us.
Cute pic. Yes, those memories will never go away. Enjoy them, be happy and be sad. I know we all are when we think back to the GOOD times. Hell H and I and the kdis just went to Disney in late Sept. and had a super good time. H seemed so happy there but of course now he has rewritten that as just faking it for the kids sake...what a load of BS. Hell we bathed each other in the 2 person tub and had an amazing first night of passion upon arrival but of course, "I was just acting like a good husband should!" Oh how easily they convince themselves life stunk.
We will all make it through these tough days, weeks, months, and maybe even years but with each others continued support and posts we will all manage and come out better people in the end regardless of whether the ending is of fairy tale proportions or not.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
I understand this frustration. I'm in the same boat. My W claims I stopped being her friend, partner, and lover after D was born, but she forgets how I was by her side while she was in chronic pain b/c of her endo night after night.
My fear is a lot like Kerry's -- Our spouses will never wake up and take any sort of responsibility. They can't or won't ever be willing to face their role and themselves. That is what is so sad.
However, if we continue to do everything we have to do to become stronger people and better parents, in the end, our children will know it wasn't us who broke up our little families.
I guess that is all we can cling to right now. Doing what is right to show and set the proper examples for our children, regardless of how this all shakes out for us in the end.
Nice guys and gals finish last. I am done being the whimpy guy that trys to please.
W dropped off D5 outside my house last night. She did not want to come in. She called me from the driveway and asked if I could print out some pictures from her camera. I told her that she should come in and do it herself as I was busy getting the kids dinner and had to go to cub scouts that night. She just said nevermind.
This morning, she wanted me to get some things from the house since she cant stop by on her own anymore. I said no problem. I asked her if she was angry and she said she was not. I told her that I feel our divorce is inevitable as I dont see us working out together. Silence on the phone. I said "are you there"? She just said "whatever" and "bye" and then hung up.
I dont know what is going on in her mind, if anything at all. Nor do I care. She can wallow in her self pity for all I care.
Are you okay with all this? You've been amazingly strong through this, but I could understand if you feel as though you may be moving backwards. As long as you are keeping up being friendly, etc, then her current reactions are her own problem. Sounds like a child basically saying, "I'll show you". She'll work through it one way or the other. You've set a few boundaries and she's overreacted to them (although the "inevitable divorce" part may have been a little over the top unless you really believe that). I personally don't know what to believe. Part of me thinks she'll work through the ramifications of all this (after all this time of not having to face reality) and will eventually move your way. I just don't get the feeling that she's done with you. Maybe it's just a gut feeling, but I do get that sense. I'd play it out and see where it goes. The part-time golddigger, "maybe come back someday if you're available", don't want divorced but don't want you, thing was really pretty much an untenable position for you anyway. Plus, you didn't do anything that most separated and divorcing couples don't do....you asked to separate your accounts and get your house key back. Whoopidy doo.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I can read the frustration in your last post. I'm with JM here that if you really want the D, then go ahead and move forward. That is ok. However, if you still would like for this to have a chance to work, then saying the D is an inevitable situation only amounts to pressure on your W.
There is a thread by Meredith where she discusses how she divorced her husband and they got back together (I think JM did this scenerio as well). In any event, Meredith said she knew divorce was one of the options, but she waited until she was 100% comfortable and calm about it to do it.
Your D was filed by you, so you do hold the cards. I would just caution you to make sure you are ok w/ that step before finishing it out.
Remember I understand your feelings very, very well. I'm not sure my marriage will make it either. I may be ready to chuck in the towel myself very soon. I'm not sure when that will be, but I can definitely sympathize with your feelings, despair and frustration.
Hang in there and whatever you decide, we're behind you.
