What I meant if after a certain point, if LBS reaches and successfully maintains a level of loving detachment, it's possible that WAS will begin to think they may have lost LBS and regret it. They may then become concerned that they cannot get back even if they want to and become very squirrely about that.
I am not sure if I am deluding myself or not, but this is exactly what I thought as I observed my wife over the last 8-10 weeks.
When I started working on the divorce - when I accepted it and dropped the rope and started asking more firmly about time with the kids, about separate budgets - that is when her tone to me changed. I started to say things like "I know this is what you want and I want you to be happy. We'll get through this and you'll get what you've wanted." Before the switch she was adamant: "We are getting a divorce, just face it!" After the switch she was at first more gentle yet vague and non-dismissive: "I know you want things to work out here..."
But then she got angrier, much angrier - stopped all phone conversations. Then stopped all communications with the protection order. And then it has been all downhill of course. Every interaction is through lawyers. I had to drop off my kids' valentines at her lawyer's office (I was prohibited from seeing them). She castigated me for giving them Valentines. She was indignant - "Why are you doing that!? You never did THAT before!" Well, gee, could it be that I never gave them Valentines gifts because you were always the one doing that? And I thought we were a couple? And now that I am out of the house I want to maintain a relationship with them? It's wacky. Really. Nothing I do is ok.
If I hadn't given them a Valentine, she would castigate me for abandoning them, for not caring. I did give them valentines, so she crucifies me for ... ? caring?
I think we have a third player on the field here, influencing the action. She belongs to a DV support group, who I think she meets with regularly. I think they are her support in dissolving this marriage. This is the crew other people have called the SSW's. Single or Separated Women.
