All I am saying is that you can't enter a business contract without doing all the work that YOU can do. Bypassing things on the belief that God will carry you through does God a diservice.
You have been given knowlege of somethings to do...don't pass on the buck to God to make things right.
When LSS left and I was working a crappy job and I wasn't getting any support...I praid but I kept workingthe crappy job...all the while sending out resumes for teaching jobs...every teaching job I qualified for. I didn't put restrictions on where I applied or anything. I had faith that God would do HIS work while I was doing mine...who was I to know where God wanted me to teach. Every interview I was called for I went on...and I did my best. That was my job.
I went on a lot
God directed me to the right job
it wasn't where I was looking to go it wasn't my first choice
but it has turned out better than I ever could have imagined. I had faith that it was the right thing.
You can't expect God to fill out your paperwork and make everything right if you don't take the knowledge that was given to you and USE it.
Let me tell you and I dont know if you beleive in God "talking" thru others to talk to you? But a while back when we had a prayer meeting @ my house the Holy Spirit moved in an awesome way. This is when I really got my "act" togehter after HE told me ALOT. One being-OUT LOUD AND VER CLEAR "I AM YOUR ATTORNEY"!!! This is why the doors are "blocked" when I seek "help" regarding payment plan attorney type. This is why he let me see another attorney that second the motion that I dont NEED an attorney.
Another example ( in my mom's case): After my father died from being in coma for 4 years, my mother continued looking for and applying for jobs EVEN though GOD had already TOLD her that he would PROVIDE COMPLETELY. She kept being turned down when before mom never had any promblems getting jobs, actually people would call her and offer it before she applied. To this day she does nto work and gets blessings beyond belief. How does she pay for the house , the car,etc??? SHe gets "donations" from everywhere as people she doesnt even know say "God put this in my heart to help you".
The things when God "talks" in the minst of another YOUR job is to read and pray that what they revelead is indeed coming from GOD.AND pray for clarification.
Before my dad went into a coma, my mom had a revelation "TO PUT YOUR HOUSE IN ORDER". She did not ask GOD for clarification and therfore assumed it was her that was going to die.
You are right AG. Child support is not a taxable deduction to the payor, but alimony IS. That's why we do need lawyers so the non-custodial spouse doesn't get funny with the wording of their final documents.
BND, thank you for clearing that. H makes $30G more than I, a big diff btw our incomes...
AG, In my research I found out that H cant claim his child support from his deductions. I also cant calim his CS as extra income.
My X makes 55K more than me and at one point he filed for custody (he wasn't EVER going to win that one) and tried to claim I would have to pay CS. He did all kinds of crazy things to try to intimidate me!!!
I don't think the child support is deductible or taxable, but spousal suipport is. He can claim spousal support as a deduction and you would have to claim it as income.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I really do hope you will reconsider your decision to hire an attorney. You are walking through a minefield of issues. I am an attorney and pretty good at what I do - but even I would not even know where to begin to try to work through the legal issues on your plate right now.
I knowing I am repeating myself... The two attorneys that counseled you were WRONG. Just b/c someone has a law degree does not mean they are right or even know what they are doing.
The abuse issues are irrelevant in explaining WHY you signed the settlement - unless you signed the settlement under threat of harm from H. You CANNOT overturn a settlement by saying that you changed your mind. It is legally binding on you - H can take you to court if you do not honor the terms of the settlement.
As for the payment plans, when an attorney sees a client that poses a payment risk, they are stricter about retainers. They are probably wary of a payment plan b/c you already have a signed settlement in place that may not enable you to pay your legal bills. There is more than the usual effort involved in overturning a signed settlement - if they fail they may not get paid.
It takes more than a knowledge of the law to practice law. An experienced D attorney will know how far he/she can push things and/or when he/she simply cannot do anything more for you. An experienced D attorney will also tell you if you are stuck with the settlement you signed and work with other options that may be available to you. Things are not always straightforward in law.
If you didn't have kids, I would just let this go. However, this is not just about you - you have your kids to consider. If you are going to retain custody of the kids, it is your responsibility as their mother to provide for them. If your settlement is seriously biased against you, it is possible that H is setting you up to gain full custody of the kids.
And while I fully respect your faith and your right to practice your faith in your own way - please do not bring up topics associated with your faith in the courtroom.
take care, AG
I hope you don't mind if I use your thread to reply to HT.
Hi Happy:
Thanks for confirming. I used a D lawyer for my relatively simple D b/c he had the knowledge and experience to know what would go through and what wouldn't go through in the settlement. There is the law and then there is how you manipulate the law to your advantage. He also inserted helpful provisions that I never would have considered myself that have protected me legally years after the D was final.
My X left after he cleaned out the joint accounts and I had nothing to pay a lawyer with. Of course, he left the mortgage payment book and all of the household bills. My paycheck went toward paying those. I knew he couldn't just up and leave like that, and I NEEDED a lawyer to protect me and the boys.
What he thought he was doing was preventing me from getting one. What he intended to do was badger me into setlling on his terms. He also would threaten to sue for custody even though he didn't want that. The threats were tortuous. I know how people feel when they say that on these boards. Because you never know what a judge will do. That's where God steps in. We have to trust that right will be done. But there's no guarantee. And bad things happen to good people. Right doesn't always win. If we do whatever it takes, then at the end of the day, at least we could say we tried our best.
I took out a loan to pay my lawyer's retainer. It was $5,000. She contacted X's L and told them he was to continue to pay the mortgage and to pay me child support while this was sorted out. X's L was livid because I'd taken on debt. X took the cash and paid his. But that's the game that's played. That one thing was worth what I paid. In the end we settled on fair terms. But if I had not taken out that loan, everything would have been done on his terms and I would have been left with nothing. I know that to be true. I would have lost everything - and that means my babies.
My having my own lawyer calmed his butt down and made him realize he wasn't calling all the plays on the D. My having my own lawyer allowed me to breathe and stop crying about X leaving. My having my own lawyer gave me the opportunity to fight for what was right. In the end, we never went to court because we settled when he realized I wasn't playing his game. I ended up paying her a total of $10,000, basically for that first interaction with X's L and for looking over the papers we eventually signed. But it saved me over $100k and my rights to his retirement. So it was money well spent.
My having my own lawyer made him stop abusing the situation and start seeing things as they really were. As far as the reality of divorce. I could have never gotten that through to him without her.
I am so glad that things worked out for you and that you had the courage to take some calculated gutsy risks.
I cannot even begin to imagine what you must have gone through facing the risk of losing your kids. It must have taken so much mental strength to stay focused in the middle of so many complications.
The X did threaten to go after custody of my cats - and that was enough to make me feel sick to my stomach... I am so glad all that is in the distant past now.
Last night in church something was confirmed to me- GOD DOES NOT HELP THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES!!! Just the opposite God helps those who dont help themselves...
Why is it when I try to do it "my way" it never works out? Heck, God will just stand back and say -You dont NEED me, go ahead and do it on your own or your way.
LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTADNING.
How else is HE going to get ALL the glory?? What are we to testify when we "HELP" God?
Anywho....
AG & OTHERS:
I really didnt want to get into a tangient of my beleifs, but had to go there.... Thank you for all your advice, will consider it..
AG,
Do you SERIUOSLY believe that I will go into the courts "preaching"??? There is a place and time for everything and NO that is NOT the place or does one thing have to do w/ the other... This is why I did not want to talk about my believes until Fig started on the subject.....
