I understand what you are saying, Hopeful....I have been S for nearly 2 years now, and really see no light coming yet. I believe its MLC too, but there are deep scars here from her childhood that I think is the main culprit here.
RMG, the addiction I speak of could be considered as sex, but here is the sitch she has to deal with....
As a teen, she used sex to get her own way with men...she has had sexual abuse as a child, so I justify that behavior...now I see her acting just like she did as the teenager she was then..but as an adult.
So you see, as much as I want to stand, I agree with you, Hopeful, that I want to stand because I really haven't heard God tell me to move on. I hear thoughts of holding on, but have yet to determine if its God or Satan.
I have heard people tell me before that they have been through hell and back for a very long time before they were rewarded. And they also say the reward IS WELL WORTH THE LENGTH OF THE WAIT.
That alone keeps me sane and stable.
So, while I might stand and unconditionally love her....I wont watch paint dry, but I also won't deny an opportunity for GAL if a woman wants to have dinner with me or go dancing sometime.
I am pretty good as being watchful of myself, as well as knowing I am nowhere near ready to have a serious R.
I also agree with you, RMG. I don't want to be friends if I am only to be used as a doormat. She knows my feelings and the last few days I have taken my power back, she has noticed, but seems perplexed as to what to do. I can tell you she still seems to feel more comfortable around me than any of her BFs. It is like she is cake-eating....she gets her fun from the OM, but her stable comfort from me. That is not going to happen, Im sorry.
Thank u and God bless
Chevelle
Chevelle,
WOW! That is some sitch.... A tough one... It seems like she could have used C a long time ago...
I know what you mean by the "doormat" comment.... I am pretty darn certain if I had been friends with exW, she would have responded. I think she would have got beyond the anger. I think she would have been jealous of the gals in my life....
The real question is – What are you left with? A person who will walk away again? Someone who will always be there AND not walk away EVER? I have NO clue..... I wish I did... How you handle it is up to you...
You both will be in my prayers....
Take Care,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I was discussing this my new W today. Unfortunately, she had a sexually addicted H. She suggested you find a support group for family members and spouses of sex addicts. Also, she strongly suggests you seek counseling if you are not already doing so.
The answers are unclear. I will admit like I said earlier, she hated infidelity, and never had any trust issues there until the M went downhill. She felt I didnt want her anymore, and found someone who did the initating....hence the A.
Now, I do believe her that she wouldnt cheat again, since she has confessed how this has changed her life. But when she has no OM, lok out...its not pretty.
The answers are unclear. I will admit like I said earlier, she hated infidelity, and never had any trust issues there until the M went downhill. She felt I didnt want her anymore, and found someone who did the initating....hence the A.
Now, I do believe her that she wouldnt cheat again, since she has confessed how this has changed her life. But when she has no OM, lok out...its not pretty.
Thanks for praying for me..
Chevelle
Chevelle,
I am glad you are willing to look into resources.
I am a bit confused by the following:
Quote:
Now, I do believe her that she wouldnt cheat again, since she has confessed how this has changed her life. But when she has no OM, lok out...its not pretty.
Do you mean if the two of you were back together? If she Med again? I think it will be an issue until she seeks counseling.
Take Care,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I dont know, RMG. She seems to have that take a toll on her. Now I just had our mutual friend think she might be bi-polar.....
Wow...she never was like this for 10 years...how can a person just snap like that...she was 100% trustworthy that whole time, and said she loved me more than words can say and that I made her happy for many years, but now, she still has no plans to come back to me.
Maybe guilt...depression, bi-polar, who knows....just know she needs help and God.
I dont know, RMG. She seems to have that take a toll on her. Now I just had our mutual friend think she might be bi-polar.....
Wow...she never was like this for 10 years...how can a person just snap like that...she was 100% trustworthy that whole time, and said she loved me more than words can say and that I made her happy for many years, but now, she still has no plans to come back to me.
Maybe guilt...depression, bi-polar, who knows....just know she needs help and God.
Chevelle
Chevelle,
I honestly think many of theses WAS have a need for meds.....
As for the snapping, my exW was EXACTLY the same... I married her because I loved her so deeply and trusted her completely... She totally blindsided me.....
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 03/05/0804:42 AM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Yes, talk about being blindsided..with 1000 tractor-trailers..
As far as meds, or even counseling...I wish she would, problem is, I don't think she understands the severity of her problem.
Nor, does she think the past can be done..and and a new M can be rebuilt..I think that is the kicker for me. I feel that this is so incomplete...no closure. Although I am just about there. I know she still cares, but can't get past what she did..
Man, never thought I would be in a real-life soap opera..lol
Yes, talk about being blindsided..with 1000 tractor-trailers..
As far as meds, or even counseling...I wish she would, problem is, I don't think she understands the severity of her problem.
Nor, does she think the past can be done..and and a new M can be rebuilt..I think that is the kicker for me. I feel that this is so incomplete...no closure. Although I am just about there. I know she still cares, but can't get past what she did..
Man, never thought I would be in a real-life soap opera..lol
God bless
Chevelle
Chevelle,
No, the past cannot be undone. One cannot "unring" the bell. However, she could admit her mistakes and really try to build a new M. She chose not to do so.
I know what you mean about the no closure thing. I felt that when my exW left, she still had a lot of feelings finally coming to the surface. We had a very good fight the day she moved. She actually showed some passion and emotion. We never had that "final" heart-to-heart conversation....
I finally came to the point where I realized she is who she is based on her actions NOT who I thought her to be. She was not the loving, caring, devoted Christian woman who would not hurt me or our M. Rather, her actions showed she was just another screwed up self centered person lacking integrity. That is just who she is....
Go with God,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 03/05/0803:22 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
The problem is I cant be a mean person..my compassion and caring is my greatest strength and my greatset weakness. I am in the process of what evryone here would call LRT. Only going to see her for the kids, but when she corners me, I make small talk and leave.
Sometimes she is okay with that....other times she seems disappointed.
Either way, I am much happier than I have been in a long time...got my taxes almost finished for another year, getting my life just about in order..now if I could just get over that last little hump that is my W....lol.
Update on the new OM...he looks just like me! Thats just not right...LMAO!
Your W is a "little hump".... That is good! No big mountain to climb....
I think it is funny about OM.... It reminds me of a song which goes: "It aint cheatin' because she reminds me of you..."
No_More_Dodo
Last edited by No_More_Dodo; 03/05/0809:32 PM.
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
