Moved out Sunday...very upset.

[Dom R]

Hi again

The only good thing about me being out of the house is that now he can finally see only the good that I want to show him, and not the enemy he perceives me to be.

if someone is absolutely determined to see you as "bad".. anything you do, can and will be taken that way.
that's when "going dark" is your only alternative.

Doesnt sound like you are at that point, though.

Do I "go dark", and just deal strictly with the dog and the bills? Or do I make conversation?

just re-read what you wrote (the long details post).

Seems like I missed a crucial piece of what you wrote.


It sounds to me like there is actually hope for your marriage.
It also sounds like a LOt of work for you.

This is why I think that:

He said I relied on him for my happiness, and that we had no passion together, and that I have no passion in my life. His reason for not wanting sex was that he wasn't as emotionally connected to me as he once was.

So, basically, he is not currently attracted to you, and he has actually told you specifically why.

In a healthy marriage, this can actually be a good thing! If you communicate problems and issues, you can both work on them, right?
Trouble is, neither of you reacted in a healthy way.
He reacted to his feelings, by "looking elsewhere",and threatening divorce.
YOU reacted, by saying, "OK, Go ahead, let's do it!"



Here's what I'd like to suggest to you.
(Presuming you want to work on your marriage still.)

Move back in.
today.

Dont talk about your relationship, unless he brings it up. Keep things short and focused from your side if that happens, but listen to anything he has to say about it. Really listen, and think about it.

When/if divorce comes up, say that you made a mistake in pushing for it, and you dont really want a divorce.

Then, without particularly talking about it... "Get A Life", as they say around here.

Go out more. Make (female) friends. Start a hobby.
Enjoy Life!

Dont pursue him.

Just live in the same house... be nice to him when the occasion arises... but just look to "be yourself" more,and look to please yourself more. Let him just "be a roommate" for a while.


See what happens after two months.

My guess is, he may actually start to be interested in doing more things with you, if you stick to the above.
It sounds like, from what he said, that he feels responsible for "entertaining you, and keeping you happy". Changing your behaviour, will help him not feel responsible for that any more, and thus feel more positive towards you.
It's tough to feel positive towards someone who is "a responsability" to you, unless perhaps they are your children.