PMA = Me

[LoginName]

lodo,
I started in peicing. Kept feeling I really wasn't there yet, but was getting great advice and they asked me to stay.

Then, the advice dried up, I got lonely, moved to MLC and to Infedility. Got some good advice there but not as good as in peicing.

I don't think it matters much at this point where you post. We're all peicing in a way.

I think the OM can be an addiction, and one very hard to break. Best you can do is give her space, don't think about the OM, dont' talk about him. He is just a symptom of what she's going through.

The whole ILYBINILWY speech, the "lack of atraction", I don't know what to believe about that. I say, she believes it, so it's true for her. you can't control her reality. Let it go. What do you feel? Take care of you, while maintaining your vows. Don't let it hurt your pride. It's not about you. It's in her.

I can tell you that if (when?) she decides she's attracted to you again, it'll be incredible. And if she never is again, then by GAL and PMA, you'll be a better person than when this started. It's a win-win, even if it doesn't feel like it now.

Some here would tell you that the ILYBINILWY stuff isn't real and you should ignore it. I agree, ignore it. She is showing you in many ways she is still attracted to you, even through her confusion and pain. But I also feel you shouldn't be trying to tell her how to feel or what she is feeling. Know what I mean? It's true to her, respect that. And.... ignore it.

Focus on GAL, PMA, detaching and listening when you get a chance. Really listen. Try to take yourself out of it - your pain, your feelings, put them aside and try to really listen and empathis with her, then validate her without kow towing to her. Did that make sense?

It's a long ride. I still get strength by remembering how it's my choice to do this. I don't have to do this. I'm in control, and I chose to wait, give her space, listen, love unconditionally.