The only reason i am bring the abuse records w/ me is incase H wants to pursue full custody. H is still verbally abusing the kids as stated by my D10 words when he has them on the weekends. Also another incident he did in my presence.
It seeems like these Dlawyers her where I live are only out for$. Beleive I checked around and none where willing to do any payment plans.
This past friday while eating dinner & infront of OW, and her parents STBX asked the girls who wanted to come live w/ him.D10 told me that even OW frowned at the question and told him not to ask them that.
Its not that that I am not listening or taking you guys advice belive me I certainly appreciate it.
But being seperated for a year and not getting any child support has put me in a financial rut. My credit is the worse its ever been and I hope it wont jepordize my renting a new place.
I had to choose how to use my tax refund on an attorney or pay some debt in order to get these creditors off my back and to start to get my credit back in shape.
No lawyers - so you will have to represent yourself.
(i) You want to void the signed settlement that you have in place. You cannot just void an agreement that you have signed just b/c you have changed your mind. If the law allowed you to do that - signed settlements would have no meaning.
You will have to research the law yourself or go to legal aid for valid legal reasons available for throwing out the settlement. Examples of valid reasons typically include, coercion, duress, fraud, mental incapacity, etc. And you are going to have to support the valid reason with facts. For example, saying I was coerced is not enough. You will have to state exactly how you were coerced in a manner that fits the legal definition of coercion.
(ii) You need to do the work and create a draft of the new settlement that you want to substitute for the old settlement. You have to be clear on what you want and why - especially those terms that you are changing. You need to present what you want at the same time as you inform the judge that you want to void the old settlement. Saying I want the old settlement out - but am not really sure about what I want in the new one does not work.
(iii) Custody - what do you want? Be proactive and file for what you want and put H on the defensive. Bring the abuse papers if necessary to support what you want - not in defense to fight what H wants.
(iv) Stop deciding what you are going to fight for based your apprehension of H's reaction to your decision. H's reaction is not in your control and irrelevant. It is only relevant if his behavior poses a threat to you or your children.
(v) Stop emailing H with questions. Find your own realtor. Get your own appraisal of your property, 401k, etc. H's people are NOT working in your best interest.
As an example, in my case, I wanted to keep the house and needed a low appraisal. The X was lazy and never finished any projects around the house. I made my house look as messy as possible and pointed out every single thing that needed to be fixed or didn't work and asked what the selling price would be "as is" to lower the price as much as possible.
And you are right a good attorney will cost you money - especially since you have the complication of a signed settlement agreement. Complications always cost money.
Since you are doing this yourself, you have a lot of work and research to do to prepare. I am an attorney - and this would be a lot of work for me.
Its ok w/ me if H wants to sit on the listing of the house cuz in the meantime the child support request I put in back in december might finally come thru and therefore help in my moving.
He is the one who told me last week that in order to even list the house they needed both of our signatures.
I am currently doing my own research. I have written all my request as far as 401k, custody and even taxes which H had wanted us to alternate evry year but then I found out by the attorney that I dont have to let him claim the kids whasoever for they primarliy w/ me.
BTW, got a question- which i think i know the answer:
A while back when H didnt want this D he said that I will have to pay *HIM* child support when the kids are living w/ him on his summers???
MN, where I live, has something called legal aid...they give free or low cost legal advise...usually they don't do it just for divorce but you could use your abuse documents to help them push it forward.
You NEED legal advise on these things
you have asigned agreement and just like AG said...you are going to need to prove why you signed it
in MN you can't go through a divorce representing yourself when children are involved. There are other states like this as well. You have to have an attorney at least look over these things orthe judge will side with the person who has the attorney.
You will HAVE to find a way to budget in or call around and ask about an attorney
He is the one who told me last week that in order to even list the house they needed both of our signatures.
If YOU want to sit on the house until the settlement is in place, don't sign. However, I do not know what the terms of your OLD settlement are - make sure it does not require you to list the house for sale. The old settlement is binding on you until it is actually overturned. H can take you to court to force you to honor the terms of that settlement.
As far as custody and tax issues, I didn't have children with The X so I have no experience there. Some of the other posters may be able to help you with that. H can always ask for whatever he wants - the burden then shifts to you to counter if what he asks for is in the realm of what a judge may consider reasonable.
A while back when H didnt want this D he said that I will have to pay *HIM* child support when the kids are living w/ him on his summers???
Here is how it worked for me. If my H has the kids 90 days or less per year the support is X dollars. Since mine has them more (110 days) the support is prorated. But the amount is figured based on annual incomes and a monthly payment is set, so even in the summer when they are with him for 4 weeks, he still pays me the same amount. In other words, they figure out the percentages of support each parent has toward the children on an annual basis, then set the monthly amount. It does not get reduced when the kids are with him.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I went to legal aid and they couldnt help unless there is an ACTIVE DV case.
I also heard of instances where the judge has ordered the H to pay for the W's attorney. Nevertheless, I am not worried. I dont want to get into too much "spiritual" for those who dont beleive...
BND, thank you for clearing that. H makes $30G more than I, a big diff btw our incomes...
AG,
In my research I found out that H cant claim his child support from his deductions. I also cant calim his CS as extra income.
you can claim it if you want to count it for you (like if you want a loan and you use that to boost your income) I only know that because of getting a car loan last year
spirituality is wonderful and I am a very spiritual person but you can't expect God to do all the work for you
you have to keep doing the work faith is the belief that it will pay off
BUT did you know that expecting on God to work and come thru takes also the diff. kind of WORK that constitutes doing HIS work by: praying, fasting, living in his testimony, reading daily HIS Word, etc!!
The biggest revelation thru a very wise elder from church was to "LET GO" of my house. This I am doing for I dont care for material things for I know HE will not leave me stranded unlike STBX.
