Sandi's Here in Piecing from Almost WAW

[ann25]

I also appreciate the fact that you realize that it has been a battle for me to just be able to put the OM behind me and not go looking for another one or to run away. That has been hard at times.

I do realize the struggle. While i didn't hang onto thoughts of OM like you did, I have felt the need to get away from the situation on many occasions. I know that a M takes work, but there are just times when I have felt like "what's is the point if it seems like I'm the only one working"... It's frustrating feeling like I'm doing it on my own, so I can totally understand.

I feel like I was the one that worked so hard for over 4 decades to make the M work and then I just tuckered out. (That's an old expression, in case you've never heard it...lol.)

You are an amazing woman. I can't imagine feeling like that for so long. I know it probably has a lot to do with how you were raised and how people looked at M when you were first starting out, but still... it's pretty remarkable that you didn't completely walk away. I was raised in a very conservative, religious household, so i know how that can effect your views, but my mom got a divorce after 20 years of M (after my dad cheated and he filed) and has since made it her goal that her girls don't live like she did. To know that after all these years, you are still fighting for your M, has been an inspiration to me. Honestly, if not for these boards and people like you, i probably would have left by now. I'm already tuckered out, i can only imagine how you must feel.

...told me to "move" and do something, but I'm not sure exactly what it is I'm suppose to do that I have not already tried.... but to tell you the truth, I've about run out of ideas for my own M.

I don't know what else you can do that you are not doing. I don't know what else i can do most of the time. I know that i have to stand up for myself, but other than that, nothing seems to sink in with my H. You've worked hard. Right now, just enjoy at least the ability to look back over the year since this started and see the changes that you have made in yourself and your M. It's obviously better than it was and that's good!

Some may think I did not have a MLC....well, I don't know. All I know is that I sure fit the bill, even if I was too old to have one...lol.

I don't know much about MLCs. I always thought it was when someone reaches a point where they need to feel differently about themselves. Need to feel younger and more vibrant... I think my FIL is had one. He's 47 and went out and bought a fast car (so he can sit in traffic), a xbox 360 and ps3 (that he doesn't play cause he's never been into video games) and started making new younger friends (that he is always complaining he doesn't understand)... He needed to feel different about himself. I think that's the key. Maybe it's not a MLC, but he changed and now he's looking at this stuff like he lost it for a minute.

You seem to understand, and that means a lot to me.

oddly enough, i feel like i do. Things were bad and you ended up talking to OM. He made you feel better than you had in a long time and I can definately see how that can stick with you. Now you are trying everything you can think of to try and fix your R and yourself and nothing seems to work... I know those feelings... I am there. I may not have as much time in my M or as much life experience, but feelings are feelings regardless of age. We all (women) want to be loved and cherished and respected and valued. We want to feel beautiful. We want support and affection. Not that it justifies any A, but we need those things from our Hs, but sometimes, they don't get it.

ann