Hello my Darlings!!!!

[cat03]

MLC--is it real? Yes, I think it is. But is it the same as being a total jerk? No, I think not. Hell, I believe I've experienced an MLC myself, but I did not destroy my family in the process of having it. And so while I think MLC is a legitimate "syndrome" if you will, I think it is used here all too often to explain away bad character, bad behavior and supports an environment of denial. It also lulls us into thinking that when they "snap out of it" things can go back to normal.

It caused me so much grief to try to "make" my H see how "wrong" he was during our last C session, was infuriated he did not remember the same things i did. It never dawned on me that what he remembered was what affected him the most, that he was his own person and took offense at things I dont' even remember...thus I chalked it all up to MLC.
As I carefully look back at history, I do see a bit of the pattern that has gone on lately in my M, and I realize he has been telling me -at some degree- the truth about how he feels/felt.
I guess it's the invalidation part that hurts, but no one can rewrite history, H admitted "it wasn't all that bad", that is putting it mildly but I'll take that. I know what I had, and it was good while it lasted, that will never go away.

still clinging onto the desperate hope their husband or wife will snap out of it and come have a lovely supper with them some day.

Althea, you've put into words a feeling I've had about these people for the longest time but never dared express nor feed it. I have seen people putting up a facade despite abuse and terrible circumstances, waiting for their long gone Ss to "wake up" and putting all on hold for that moment.

Thanks for this awesome post and glad to "meet" you, I highly admire mothers of multiples, lol, I only have 2 so my hat's off to you