My W is pretty anal about finances. Before we started dating she had gotten involved with a boyfriend who helped her ruin both of their credit histories. Ever since she's insisted on staying on top of finances and gets very upset if things happen outside her control.
I can say that during my depression I failed to take that into account, got involved in a little stupid "retail therapy", and proceeded to cause a lot of unneeded friction between us. W continues to use that to beat me up and still presumes to tell me how to handle my bills and my finances -- even though we're now separated, by her demand. (She never minds the fact that I work in the IS group under the Finance department at work and I deal with company accounting and finances all the time.)
Of course I now realize that the sorry state of our joint finances was but a canard, a distraction from the real issues in our R. They do play a factor, but certainly not the overriding one.
The real problem between us is trust.
Ultimately, W's trust in me is also but a part of the whole problem. I think my W has a lot of deep-seated insecurities, and, despite being a self-professed Christian, has not learned to really trust God to take care of her -- to "consider the lilies of the field" or that He keeps his "eye on the sparrow" -- that He is the Providence in our lives.
Until recently, I too had problems in truly trusting Him to provide, so I cannot blame her too much. We all have difficulties with this to one extent or another, it would seem.
Trust is difficult; it takes a lot of courage and faith.
