Of course, there is a good chance he is back with her. But whether he is or not, it is irrelevant to how you handle the D. You certainly cannot rely on him to be honest about it.
The D is a business matter. It is not a way to work out things, it is not about the R. It is about business. He does not get to dictate your actions.
Look, he is going to do exactly what he thinks is in his own best interest. He does NOT have your interests at heart. Not taking care of yourself in the D is not in your interest or in your children's. He is worried about MONEY and GETTING IT DONE.
Try a mediator, fine. From personal experience, I can't recommend it. But, whatever. The D will be ugly, it will be unpleasant, you will both feel screwed. Playing nice and smiley isn't going to fix that. Personally, I think you'll do less damage to yourself by letting a personal L handle it, but no matter what route you take, here are some suggestions:
(1) It is critical that you have independent council. A mediator represents NEITHER of you. You need to understand your rights, your options, your chances, what to expect in terms of settlement, and so on.
(2) Do not lie on legal documents. Period. It is not to your advantage and can only hurt you.
(3) I *believe* that a no fault divorce just means that it is uncontested, but does not determine the settlement amount. HOWEVER, I might be wrong. MOREOVER, even when it does not strictly determine the settlement, it may well influence the judge about the terms of the settlement according to my past L.
(4) Don't sign anything or do anything until you fully understand your options, the repercussions of signing, and *YOU* are ready to sign.
BTW, this is not to recommend stringing this out, merely that you take care of yourself in it. Get a L, consult, figure out what you want, DON'T TELL H about the L -- it will only threaten and inflame him, go to a mediator and hammer out an agreement.
H will only become MORE selfish over time about what he wants, not less. You actually have a bit of power because of his sense of urgency, but as things drag out, his urgency will fade, and he will become less willing to give you more simply to get it over with.
Yes, you can afford to see a L. It is truly a case in which you can't afford not to.
