Adding a new goal to your list would be great, just don't let up on what you have done so far if it is working. Cognitive compliments seem to be helping ... maybe both of you actually.
Anyway, so what is next? Anything around the house that W gave up complaining about? Something you could start doing in a not so obvious manner? If she had to complain a lot lately to get you to take out the trash, that is not what I am thinking.
Then it becomes something she thinks you didn't care about doing without it becoming an issue. You might even figure out that you aren't taking out the trash because you appreciate and want to please her.
But good weather is around the corner. Last year was there anything she wanted done outside that didn't happen? Cleaning out the flowerbeds? New plantings? Her name mowed very low in the yard so you can see it from the air?
Maybe you can think of something that she has not been thinking about and surprise her by doing it. If she says anything snarky, be prepared and pull out the old "I'm sorry you feel that way or think that ... but this was just something I realized I wanted to do because it needed doing, and I enjoyed doing it, and I hope you will be comfortable sharing any constructive criticism you might have in case I can do it better next time. No big deal"
BTW ... if her name is kinda long, talk to the neighbors before you mow the last half of it across their front yard. Just thinking.
Have you finished mowing yet? Not the last name, just the first !!
(I loved that suggestion, pitty grass is not growing much here due to the dry heat-ha! )(where the H$$l did my H go then, when he said the grass is greener...? I am wondering)
I was thinking last night...things are seemingly going better since the compliments started flowing.....so if you decide to "have your talk" be prepared for the confrontation that could come. I think a good response to W if this happens is for you to calmly say....I don't want to argue, I want to try to make things better in our R...maybe when you're in the right frame of mind, we can discuss this further....and then just walk away. What do you think? I think you shouldn't let her draw you into an argument because we all know how that goes. ?????
Just wondering!
Have a good day!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
W2S, The good weather is here, it's the bloody hot weather that's just around the corner! There are a few things that I am sure she has givn up complaining about, I think I will choose one and attack it. A fair number are outside, with the longer evenings, and the nicer weather, I think I can make a dent. It might be a good step!
(((((Kalni))))) There won't be any name mowing, we don't really have any grass. Or any mower! The only grass we have is what grows naturally between the cactii!
(((((new_attitude))))) (((((BA))))) I'm not really ready to say things are going better, but I won't say they are not. I think that everything was "different" for the past week, butI think it was more due to S19's visit than anything I did.
BA, I like your idea for avoiding having the "talk" turn into an argument. I will make sure I have an escape route in place! And I will memorize the escape speech! Mor or less!
(((((Lisa))))) Getting back to normal is a bit of a letdown. On the other hand, getting back to normal will let me get a handle on whether anything has really changed.
Yesterday's compliment was telling her that the weeding (we may not have grass, but we do have weeds) and cleaning up that W (and 2 youngest boys) did around the front porch and door area looked really good. She did say thank you. LAter she complained about the way the lines for the watering system make the weeding difficult. She is right, I have to figure out a way to fix that, it isn't as easy as she would like it to be!
I appreciate all of you dropping in! I hope you are all having a great week!
Jeff, you sound good today! I'm picturing the AZ landscaping and am jealous. I have dirty grass from all the darn snow and it's melting now but the holes in the street are horendous(?)! I can't wait for Spring to arrive in Chicago so I can plant!
