Hanging On To What I Believe In - 2

[ba065]

Hi guys!

Thanks for your recent posts! I appreciate your words of encouragement more than you'll ever know!

We had a good night last night. H came home right after work and we ran to a couple biking stores. Ate a quick bite at Chipotle and went to the mall. H got a new sports coat for church. Came home, H took a hot bath (normal routine) and cuddled with me for about 1/2 an hour before he went to his room for the night.

He seemed fine this morning at 6 when he came and crawled in bed with me. We just layed there and held hands...got up, got ready for work and left at 7. He called about 9:30 and was definitely not in a good mood. I didn't get much out of him other than he is supposed to curb his cell phone usage (his boss must of gotten on him)....go figure, since he talks to MOW on the cell ALL the time. Anyway, I fear another depression episode approaching....he starts out angry and it blows up into a huge ordeal. Don't know if I'll hear from him again today....I'm afraid to call his cell...don't want to cause more problems. Haven't been contacting him much during the work day anyway.

Feeling a bit panicky (sp?) today...trying to stay busy at work to keep my mind off of things.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers (and H too, if you don't mind). This limbo stuff is awful. Why can't they make decisions? I know things could be ALOT worse for me and I am thankful for what strides we have made....but the constant worrying about how long the good will last....or when the next big blow up will happen, or if another depression episode is going to do H in....all of it just kills me. I'm a natural worrier...and I know I need to stop...I know these things I can't control or fix...but I want to fix them!!!!! I want the issues resolved....it's driving me crazy!

I usually leave work about 4:15. Tonight, I'm covering for someone else until 5:00. I'm not going to tell H. I'm just going to get home late. We'll see if I still beat him home (he gets off at 4:30 and works about 15 minutes from home). Or, if he even notices I'm not home on time...or if he calls....whatever. I know it's not a big deal, but it is unlike me to not keep him posted on what I'm doing. I've decided to quit doing that unless he out and out asks me....which he probably won't.

Hope you all have a good day today. Thanks for listening.....

BA