One thing that might, in a very small way, help you here is that you can see her anger is not just directed at you but that it is coming out in a lot of places. Maybe it can help just a little in your stepping outside of all that energy and not taking it too personally (which I recognize must be very hard).
Z and SirPrizeMe have got some great advice; whenever I read their contributions, I find it helps me too!
I don't know how you guys came into my life at this time in this place but you give me great comfort in a very difficult time and I thank you very, very much for being here for me. Every grey cloud has a silver lining. Thank you all, may God bless you and Good Night.
Our situations sound very similar, so all I can do is echo what Z and others have said. It's hard; I've heard similar things you have. But Z and others are correct. You and I cannot fix them. One of the lessons, I believe, to learn from this hell is to learn what we can and cannot control in life. We have far less control over things than we want, and less than we believed we had.
You are doing great. No one can predict what will happen with your marriage, but you are moving in the right direction for you. And that is a good DB principle. Keep up the good work, one day at a time. Try not to beat yourself up over the past, and any backslides you have in the present. We all have made mistakes, and will make more in the future. Empathize with her, but from a distance, and give yourself some empathy too. You've earned it.
I'd like to learn more about MLC as I become more and more convinced that's what we're dealing with here. I've done a ton of reading about it and everything fits perfectly - from the triggers right through the words and actions I see and hear.
Problem is, it seems that although I can learn what they're going through, there's almost NOTHING I can actually do about it. We all want to help them, but can't and it's very painful to see them hurting. I'd give anything for her to see me as a source of strength and relief, but her mind simply will not allow that, in fact it sees the opposite.
Hang in there BT - you're a good man and we're all with you.
Thanks guys and gals. It just seems like she is moving further and further away. My S15 is really starting to be effected. He cried last night after my wife asked me to turn down the TV. He is very sensitive right now.
Are you still seeing a C by yourself? Has he introduced you to Cognitive Behavior Theory (CBT)? If not, I would ask the C about it as I think it would help you deal with a lot of these angry situations.
In short, no one can make you angry. It's true when you think about it. You choose how you will react to the environment. When your wife spews on you, she certainly wants to react with anger to validate her feelings, but the fact is, she can't make you angry. All she can do is create a situation where you may choose anger as a response.
BUT...you have a choice. You can react with anger, or with calm, or you can laugh, cry, dance a jig, etc. But it's your choice.
So the next time you're confronted by her, just keep telling yourself in your head, "She can't MAKE me angry. It's my choice how to react." It's amazing how well it works after some practice.
That'll be $90 please.
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
I am only seeing a Pysc. W does not want to go to marriage C anymore. She thinks It will not help her love me agian. "MC can not help us and our sitch". Boy, the crap that come out of her mouth is unreal.
I am trying very hard not to get angry but when she gets the kids involved it is hard. I think I am getting loose in the screws.
A lot of pain today. Colorado tomorrow. I can not wait.
