Moved out Sunday...very upset.

[JennyB]

Just some background for those who are interested. This is what I posted in "Newcomers" back in October of 2007...

Well, here goes...

We started dating at 21. We were quite passionate, loving, and spent a lot of time together. I was very insecure, and it caused many arguments. He was always very loyal, and loving, but I could never quite get through his wall. As time went on, we would fight more, and he would be less affectionate, and want to have sex less and less.

We broke up at the 1.5 and 3 year marks. Both times, he said the reason was that he was not in love with me anymore, and both times it was out of the blue. When we did reconcile, he professed his undying love for me, and everything would be great.

Most of our relationship has been lots of laughing, loyalty, and enjoying each others company.

Just after our 5 year anniversary, he asked me to marry him. We got married, and about 1.5 years into the marriage (April 2007), he says the I love you but not in love with you speech. After he said this, we still spent a lot of time together, and enjoyed each others company. I started applying the DB techniques even before I knew about them. 2 months later (June 2007), he said he was wrong, and was in love with me after all...

From June on, we barely had sex, or kissed. Mid August, he received an email from his ex girlfriend (from highschool), saying she was moving to the other side of Canada, and she wanted to reconnect with old friends before she left. He asked if this was ok, and showed me the email from her. Before he left, he told me he loved me more than anything, and that I was the only one for him. He went for the weekend to meet her and some old friends. When he arrived home on the Sunday, my gut was telling me something wasn’t right.

On the Monday, I checked his email, and saw an email from her saying that they needed to talk, and that she was worried about him, and she couldn’t get out of her mind what had transpired between them. She wanted him to get in touch as soon as he could. I thought I was going to be sick when I read it. I went home and confronted him about the email. He denied that anything happened between them, and said he had called her back about the email, and had agreed to meet her. After I confronted him, he called her the next morning and cancelled, telling her that I had read her email, and was very upset about it. It took me another 4 days to get out of him that after a night of partying with their friends, he had actually stayed at her house, in her room, and they had kissed.

I wanted her side of the story. So I called, texted and emailed her. I specifically wanted to know if they had slept together. No response. After the 3rd email from me, she finally responded, and their stories were the same. She said she never wanted to speak to him again, and said it was very apparent that he loved me very much.

I of course was sick over this, and when he should have been apologetic, he seemed angry and cold. Just over one week after he told me he loved me more than anything, and that I was the only one for him he told me he wanted a divorce, and was not in love with me anymore. He said I relied on him for my happiness, and that we had no passion together, and that I have no passion in my life. His reason for not wanting sex was that he wasn’t as emotionally connected to me as he once was. (He does look at girls on the internet though.) He said he just doesn’t want sex as much as me. He continued to sleep in our bed, until I kicked him out 1 week later, which he was very upset about.

He says he is convinced that this is what he wants. Yet, in the last 2 months, he has not done anything to move things forward. Every time I suggest moving things forward with looking into divorce (him living somewhere else), he flips out, and says he can’t wait to get this over with.

This week, we told our families that we have been separated for 2 months. They are all shocked, but they are all very supportive and want to help us both through this.

I also have to mention:
He suffers from SAD (seasonal affective disorder).
He owns a successful business, and even though does well financially and he is home a lot of the time.
When he is home, he sleeps, watches TV, or plays video games.
I am convinced he might be depressed, and have told him my suspicions, but he won’t go to a doctor.
People close to us are asking me if he is depressed.
We are both 28, and have no children.
Every time we have broken up, I have been the one to chase and pursue him. He has grown accustomed to me chasing him.
For the last 2 months I have been trying to apply the DB techniques, and I am doing what makes me happy.
He is always very nice to me, and we get along quite well.
We plan to put the house up for sale in the New Year when the finances are better.
I have not put any pressure on him to stay.


Should I throw in the towel on this? I still love him, but I can’t continue to go through this cycle.

So, that’s the story. Sorry for being long winded, I hope I didn’t bore all of you...

Any input would be greatly appreciated.