So I already don't like my new title. But couldn't think of anything clever. And figured I should feature "Confused Husband" b/c that has been in my titles from the beginning...
Nothing new right this second but if you read this first post PLEASE go back and read the last couple posts on my prior thread. I was on a roll earlier tonight (not in a good way) which I am sure will feed into my next few posts.....
Also, this guy is stopping by your place tomorrow to talk to you about snooping.
Move on and forget about your H's phone calls. It will do you no good to worry about whether he is still making calls to OW. Even if you find out he is, what does that gain you?
Thanks Kerry! I wanted to do a link but didn't know how, I am not real technology-literate! And that guy was a little scary for me, how fitting he was carrying something pretty near a 2x4, even!
Said I would go to bed at 11 but here I am. I guess some nights I think I will keep reading/writing until something changes. Don't know what I think will change at midnight....
You are right, finding out about any calls will just kill my PMA. And my positive attitude and patience is what H told the MC was helping him open up to me. So I will avoid PMA-killing adventures in the future.
Don't be so hard on yourself regarding the snooping. Yes it is against DBing principles but when you have infromation staring you in the face, it is not the easiest thing to look the other way. I know, trust me. What is important I think is that you did not throw the infromation or evidence you gathered in your H's face. Yes you hinted at it but in my book (the book of the real world) you showed amazing restraint. Something i learned a while back....regardless of what our WAW spouses do, if you love them unconditionally then you need to get over this little episode and move on. It hurts when we find out our spouses have not been completely honest but if you are committed to making this work, this is only a bump in the road.
I hope that you slept last. Remember that the only thing you can control is you. You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. All you will do is reinforce whatever concerns he has about your M.
Try to stay calm. Take deep breathes. This won't be that last time something like this will happen. The most important thing is what you allow it to do to you. Be strong, be calm and most importantly realize that only you can make you happy.
You're a special woman, a great mother and a really good friend. Plus as a former pom leader and sorority girl you must be cute. Therefore, you have everything and a bag of chips. Realize it and find whatever inside you makes you special. Nuture it and let it grow.
BobbiJo, what is your sorority? Maybe we are sisters
As for the phone, been there done that. I was so proud of myself for not looking at H's phone while he showered those days he stayed here last week. I know it would have hurt me if I did. I figure the fact that H left it out shows he is regaining trust in me. The phone is in my name so I can findout who he is calling/texting and when each month. It is probably online for last month now. I am going to resist the temptation to look this time. What will it do other than make me feel worse. I know he still talks to her. It will probably be better that your H gets his own phone. Try to trust him. I know that is hard. I am hoping that if I show more trust in H he will realize I'm his better option. Make yourself your H's better option.
I have a snowday today! YEAH!!!
Quote:
Suddenly I remembered something I heard a teacher say to a kid tattling in line the other day "Johnny, are you taking care of you and you alone right now or are you worrying about what someone else is doing??" Guess if a second grader can learn that lesson so can I.....
That is a profound statement. I always tell students, "When you are perfect, you may tell me what others are doing wrong." I guess I should take my own advice and perfect myself and let H take care of himself.
Thanks guys! Today has been up and down. It makes me sick AND furious to think that H is talking to OW while telling me and MC that he wants to work things out w/me. But it isn't anything I can change. And for all I know he is still slowly and surely trying to let her (and honestly, himself) down easy re. the end of their relationship. you don't spend 8 months with someone and walk away without residual feelings, and feelings of guilt if you didn't "follow the plan" to leave your spouse (esp. since SHE did...)
Anyway can't change that, I know. But even knowing it doesn't make it suck much less.
My Kindergarten kids were fun today. Full of energy but fun....
Getting ready to go to church for small members group time. We are discussing Sunday's message, which was part 2 on how to love your spouse the "right" way. Bottom line was W most often want to feel LOVE, H most often want to feel RESPECT.....I agree I am sure ready to feel Love!!
And just FYI, H is going to be here and gone while we are at church. Getting his old truck since he sold the new truck...
All I can say is if you can handle Kindergarten you can handle anything. Those little ones make me nervous. I taught 1st grade 2 years I know they keep you moving.
Yeah Lizzy even with an Early Childhood Teaching Endorsement, I have no desire to teach kindergarten full time, ever. At least today it was a school that still does a half-day program, so only 3 hours with each class...
So church went well. Another woman in our group has her D finalized the 26 of this month. Found out about her H's second A last May. He wouldn't give up the OW so she filed. He asked her if he could move back in last week and she said no, she doesn't believe he has changed...Anyway it was interesting to bounce ideas/theories about love between a H and W w/her since she has been in my shoes. Hope my story has a happier ending though... Two of the ladies in my group are divorced b/c of their H's behavior. Another was never married but left the F of her child after he took the child to a drug den overnight while he used... So they are all happy to share stories and empathize w/me. But again, I hope for a more positive outcome to my sitch.
So H was here when I got done w/church. He called me at 6:30 to say he was just leaving Iowa. I said I was on my way out the door but would be back at 9. He wouldn't be getting into town until 8:30 at least so I said he should stick around for a little bit if he wanted to see S and D for a minute before heading home (didn't mention seeing me although he would have to, to see them). When we pulled in the drive the people who bought his truck were pulling out of the drive and H was just going in the house. I hadn't told kids he was coming since I didn't think we would see him.
D22 mos. was over the moon "Daddeee! There is!There is! (there he is)" was all she could say pulling up the drive and seeing him in the garage. H gave the kids lots of lovin' but was also busy loading up some stuff to take to Iowa. I had loaded a grocery bag w/some laundry that hadn't been done when he left, and a copy of todays K.C. paper. H's former employer down here DID get bought out by a larger company, and it hit the papers today. So I got him a copy of the article so he could check it out.....
Anyway as he stood in the kitchen w/D I said "Good to see you" as I walked into the next room. From there I heard him say "Good to see you, too." I took that as a positive...
When he was getting ready to leave he hugged me and kissed me on the lips, like a Husband not a Grandma (no tongue, but a softer kiss if you know what I mean). Then he held Sissy (D) tight and looked like he wanted to cry. He cuddled her and then ran out to the truck to load it. S was already asleep on the couch (it was 10 by then). He came back in and hugged me again before he left. He also had his new work phone w/him and gave me that number, and his work number w/extension, before he left.
H will be back on Friday to spend the weekend...
No teaching tomorrow. I have my Individual C appointment. Have a ton to do but am considering a nap tomorrow....doubt I will actually do it, though. But these late nights are killing me. Can't get to sleep at night, but don't want to get up in the morning....any suggestions???
Oh and I somehow rolled my ankle again today even with the boot on, and now the bone that I broke is hurting worse again, hope I didn't re-break it
Another random thing I remember from tonight. H said, I sure don't want to drive the Ranger (his 12 yr old truck) up to Iowa tonight. Last time I took it to Iowa it broke down on the way back....It is the only vehicle he has until he gets a truck to replace the one he sold so too bad for now!
Anyway 2 or 3 more times before he left, he said "I am dreading driving back tonight", and "I don't want to drive back tonight". Don't know if it was just about the Ranger or something else...
Good night. I will try to only check back in two more times before I go to sleep
