Do you expose or leave it alone

[Michael Mc C]

First of all, very sorry to hear about this. This is definitely the place you want to be as there are folks here who have been exactly where you are now.

I don't recall what the DR books say about exposure (time for me to re-read maybe) but I do know that some have successfully turned their marriages around, while others have simply pushed their spouses away by doing just this.

In my sitch, when I found out about the EA, I contacted the OM (he's 400 miles away) and I didn't let up on him. He did not always respond but I know he read/listened to everything I sent.

I also did not lie to any of our friends or family about the situation. I did not broadcast it - for instance my father still does not know (from me anyway) that there has been any trouble here. However, all of our closest friends, her family and my sister know about our situation and I have spoken to all of them, as has my wife.

If the OM was a friend of mine, I am not sure what I would do. Actually, I know exactly what I would do. I cannot recommend one action over another at this point other than read DR, look deep within yourself to see where YOU can become better for YOU. As far as exposure, before you decide to do anything, be sure you are fully aware of and fully capable of dealing with any aftermath.