Worried I found DB too late

[cw68]

I probably could have been wearing a bikini at many points over the past eight years, I just want to look as good as I can in a bathing suit instead of just passing by, makes me more comfortable. Definitely will not be doing the thong thing in public! Then again, I wouldn't have when I was 20 and under 100 pounds, and it's not because I'm modest. Some -- most! -- butts should just be covered!

OK, good DBing tonight. H came over for dinner, with our favorite ale, and we talked about the week the kids are on break. Was happy and upbeat, didn't pursue him. I'm realizing that he does reach out to me on his own, he just doesn't right away. But he did come over to me at the sink while I was peeling potatoes and hug and kiss me. Twice. I did the pleasant greeting, but didn't go over to him, just continued on with what I was doing.

The visit definitely made me happy. My sister, her husband and her son are coming to visit most of that week, with a small break in the middle as they go to Napa/SF. There wasn't any problem figuring out who would stay where/when and H plans on hanging out with us most of the time. To me this is HUGE because my sister and family are not easy. I say this as more than a sister complaining about her sister. My sister is clinically psychotic, is an alcoholic and is on the brink of divorce herself (mostly due to these problems). It would have been easy and more than understandable for H to avoid seeing them, let alone spending a lot of time with them. Instead, he's being part of the family.

Said goodbye to him and all was good. I know I'm doing good DBing because after he left I went up to the closet in our room to look for something. I found an anniversary card from our fifth anniversary, just 2 1/2 years ago. It said, "Our relationship is pretty unusual. I'm pretty, you're unusual." He wrote in it, "OK, maybe it is vice a versa, either way it seems to work... I love you sooooo much, has it really been 5 years? Seems yesterday we were partying at the spot, {where we got married}, ahh what a long strange journey it's been. D/S and much, much more. What else can I say? I love and cherish you. Thanks for being my boo you are strong but supportive, there are great things ahead for us. See you at the 10 year. :)"

And you know what? It didn't make me cry. It didn't make me sad. Wistful, yes. But I have hope that this is really how he feels underneath, that we can get back to this. And if we don't, I know his "I never wanted to get married," "Part of me has been unhappy since we married," and "We aren't well matched" sayings are a crock.