So H called while I was in the middle of posting. He wanted to tell me that they had a baby calf at work today (he sells meat and they have a feedlot). Work was going to get rid of the baby so H took it home w/him. Now he has to bottle feed the calf for a week or two. He said he may have made an error in judgement!
Well, he called acting very friendly so of course I f'ed it up as usual. I mentioned BIL's comment re. phone bill. Asked H if there was any reason it was $300 2 months in a row....he got defensive and said he'd been calling Canada to hook up with the guy to get this new job. Also that being off work for 2 weeks he was on the phone all the time w/his dad, me, friends at work, etc during daytime hours....I said well that makes sense. (Trying to be patient and supportive again!)
He got grumpy and said he would just start using his work phone once he got it and quit the BIL plan. I told him I wasn't mad about the bills. He said yeah right. I said, no, it was just that BIL had called me and e-mailed me 3 times, even sending me the account info, trying to get an answer from you (H) on what you wanted to do. (I figured the subtle hint about BIL sending me the account info might get him thinking)
Anyway after he said he'd get his own phone I moved on. Asked his plans for the weekend. Said he'd be coming down over the weekends for the next two months. I said what about Easter? He said I just told you what I am doing. I said then would you like me to keep the kids here and we can go to church and do Easter baskets together? He said that sounds great.....
I started to say something and trailed off, he asked me what I wanted to say. SO I just said, "You told MC at one point that you looked at the move as a separation. Is it a logistical separation or a real one? When you come down on the weekends I know it is for house work but should I be here too? Is it also family time? And do you want me to call you/talk to you during this time, or do you just want to have your own space and work on your stuff?"
THIS was kind of dumb in retrospect b/c he had called ME so obviously he didn't want that much space....two calls in two nights after the kids went to sleep.
Anyway he said he figured we'd continue like we had been. I specified, "Sleeping together (not literally, just logistically), doing things together, spending family time together?" I said I just wanted to make sure I was giving him what he wanted during his time away. He said all of that would be good, and that as soon as he could he would find a C to start going to so he could work on him. I said, Okay, then we aren't "Separated Separated", good to know. He said Okay. Then I asked a couple questions about the calf to change the subject, and wished him goodnight. Told him he could call me tomorrow afternoon if he wanted but I was teaching during the day...he said ok. THen I said goodnight and so did he....
I am thinking that I will just drop the OW phone call thing (2x4 me if that is the wrong idea). If he is going to go to a counselor to work on his stuff, no counselor I can think of would encourage him to talk to OW. Besides, the more he gets his head on straight the less I think he'll want to talk to her. If he is even still talking to her... Besides, he has said now tonight that he is coming here every weekend to work on the house AND see us, that he is going to get help for himself, that he wants to spend Easter with us, etc.And he has called me 2 nights in a row just to talk to me. So I guess I continue DB-ing?? As far as I know he has had a true change of heart (at least in baby-step terms) and is really trying to get to a place where we can be a full-on family again. I don't need to go looking for reasons to screw that up, do I?
Or am I being naive given the phone records I read??
Either way, I felt bad that I semi-derailed what could have been a very nice night-time convo. with H. So I sent him a TM a few minutes ago. Just said "Good night. Have fun feeding the baby! Let me know if you want a wake-up call". (He is going in at 4 tomorrow to meet the scheduler.)
Going to bed soon, just got to fold a load of laundry first. Hoping for a better night of sleep than last night...........
