I believe my W is suffering from chronic Depression. As I look back this has been a problem for a long time. But I did not recognize it. She was not happy. Then she lost her job. I think this is what triggered her to seek out some what she thought was happiness from the past. This is where the OM (her XBF came in) he used her in the past when he was married. And I don't know who talked who into this affair but... I THINK it was a one time thing. They have not had Physical contact in the last year. I don't know if he still calls her because I don't check phone records... But I digress... HE WAS NOT THE PROBLEM. He just took the opportunity to take advantage of a mentally ill person. (wonder If I could sue him on her behalf?) (And I am not being mean Depression is a mental illness). Anyway after most of the fog lifted I think my wife now feels bad about what she did. I think this instead of helping her find happiness now makes her feel worst about herself. She did say she still loves me but not "intimately" this is another sign of depression. So I figure the GALing and giving her space and "letting go" (as much as I was able) was good for me but..... I think it has not done her any good. When her mom was sick the doctor put her mom on anti depressants. My W did not like this. (She did drugs in her younger days but does not like taking drugs (even prescriptions) now. Anyway I over heard her arguing with her sister about her mom taking these. My wife said she had her mom and she also took a "test" on line that showed that she only had "mild Depression". So my wife is depressed already, she knows the affair was wrong. (She admitted that married people should not be having sex with other people at our talk).She is depressed about not having a job but the depression is preventing her from getting a job. And last but not least Depression is contagious. Yes living in a depressing atmosphere does lead to one being depressed... SOOO no mater what I do I can not "fix" my marriage until my wife gets fixed. She will not seek help. How do you tell someone that they are sick? I have come so far. She was really nice today. Aside from having problems with her computer. If I were to say something she would shut down again. If I were to tell the family she would shut down again. I know she needs to help herself but how do you get that point across. I am afraid that the only way that she may see that she is at rock bottom is if I tell her I want out. I still love her but I have seen what is out there. I am afraid that if I opened that door I may not come back in. so to wrap it up
Wife is depressed. She has an affair because she is depressed... she loses her job and gets more depressed. She is unmotivated to get a job because she is depressed... Now I am getting impatient and depressed with my situation. How can you leave a person that is not well?
Dr Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
