That's the trap you lead YOURSELF into. You can get excited about something, then she will fade away again and dash your PMA. I handled that by lowering my expectations to zero, and keeping them there. That way, anything positive was wonderful, anything negative was not disappointing (well, not too much...) If she "tries not to have fun", well so what. You can't do anything about it, and if you have fun anyway, so much the better.
What would it be like if everything was going fine in your marriage, and she was sick with a cold, but came along on an outing anyway? You have fun, but her sniffles, sneezes and general misery made it not so fun for her... you wouldn't really have any less fun, but you would lovingly empathize with her, and you would be supportive. That's because you wouldn't take her not so fun time personally, even though you empathized.
Keep looking for baby steps forward. The fact that she still wants contact is a good baby step. Take everything for what it is, don't read anything into it. Do not pursue, but be willing to follow.
