As I predicted, H is again 100% sure that D is the answer. I guess he had long discussions w/ow this weekend and is going to start moving his stuff out next week. No matter how much I knew this was coming, I still get messed up a bit by his wavering.. Thank goodness I didn't get totally sucked into what I knew was a bunch of bs...
I think his moving may be a good thing. If there is any tension in him (towards you), or between the two of you, that will start to evaporate. This will also allow you to truly GAL (although from what you've described you've already been mentally preparing quite well).
I can understand you getting a bit messed up by his wavering. It's hard when they waver. My husband didn't verbally waver like yours (he was 100% certain he wanted divorce for many months), but he'd sometimes do nice or loving things and that would confuse me. I think separation will help give you both more clarity. It will also give you a chance to really detach, GAL further, and maybe go a bit dark...
But {{{{hugs}}}}} to you. I know this may be difficult. If you find yourself feeling really low just go dark. I called it cacooning.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Yeah, I think this will give you some peace, although it's still hard. You've been living in limbo, or some form of it, for so long. Reality is about to set in for Mr. LO.
Olive, I'm so sorry! I know your H has been sounding confused too, which must be so hard! I will be joining you soon too, my H is set to move out the 15th! Theoden told me on my thread it will be a good thing (don't know about that) to get the space & then it will be time to do the Last Resort Technique, so will have to brush up on that. I do believe your H is going to be regretting his move at some point and realize it is a huge mistake, it is just a question of when that will be, and then you will have to decide what you want to do then :)!!! Karen
HUGS to you, LO. It will be tough, but I agree that it may be the best thing to happen to have him move out. He needs to hit bottom, to see that the grass is not greener on the other side. From what I can see, your H wavers so much, he needs to really get out there, live with OW, to see for himself how it is like, then to be CERTAIN that he wants to be with YOU!!! This will be very difficult to deal with for you, no doubt about that. Having said that, I know you are strong and you will pull through this. I agree with Karen43, he will regret, and then he will want to come back. Then it is up to you to decide. I am guessing at least one of the question is to make sure he does not waver anymore. I always feel like one thing that did not happen is that my H came back too soon to truly realize that he needed to cut off all contact with OW. He came back too soon but did not truly cut off contact, so now we have a "thorn" here which I am still dealing with.
Take care, and continue to GAL. You are doing great with GAL. keep it up!!! HUGS
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
He came back too soon but did not truly cut off contact, so now we have a "thorn" here which I am still dealing with.
A really helpful book on this subject is "Getting Back Together." It explains how useful (and healthy!) separation can be, and it does explain how important it is for separation to be "long enough."
Before my husband's affair and filing of divorce, he would get upset, move out and I'd very quickly beg or lure him back. Looking back I think those 7 or 8 months out there on his own was the best thing that could have happened to both of us.
I'm glad to see Olive's husband moving out prior to the divorce. This way he gets to see what his life will be like before everything is finalized (not that it will stop the D, but it will make it more real).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
