Beginning again like a newbie

[ACJ]

I just typed a really length post and lost it in cyber space!!!!!!!!

Will try and precis it since it is so late.

D17 rang me at work to say she was going out with her dad tonight and that he wanted to speak to me. She told him she would pick him up so that he didn't have to come here (and therefore not harass me).

Halfway through her evening out she TMd me to say she had a lot to tell me when she got back.

She wasn't wrong. At some point H had gone to the toilet whilst they were out so she sat and wrote a list of what he had told her whilst he was gone

The first thing was a HUGE shock. He asked about my parents! I asked D17 to clarify who had brought them into the convo and she said he had. She told him about my mother's recent bout of shingles and he sound concerned. I can't remember the last time he asked about them. I even jokingly said to D17 I'd better phone your grandma and tell her your dad sends his love

Then an even bigger shock! He asked about ME. WTF. He asked how I was and what I was doing at work now. She told him i still had two jobs but that i had changed one of them. He asked if the new one was with the government still but she didn't know so couldn't answer. She told him about my degree. She said he quite happily chatted about all of this and again it was him who brought up the convo.

Then she enlightened me about the state of his finances. I already knew they weren't good but apparently he is earnig £12k a year less since he took on his new job. He did it get managerial experience so that he can leave that company and go and get a managerial position elsewhere. I was always trying to encourage him to do just that. To make matters worse for him and OW her job finishes at the end of the month as it was only to cover maternity leave. Ooops.

I asked D17 if her dad was coming to her 18th bday party and she said he has not decided yet. He told her OW wants to buy her an 18th present but if it is going to end up in the dustbin afterwards she won't b/c they are so strapped for money for food and petrol. D17 tactfully said that they should spend the money on themselves as she would feel uncomfortable getting a present from OW.

I am so proud of her she is like my own personal mirror. Changes that I have set out to make in myself she is now making w/o realising. It is worth all the hard work just to know that she is benefitting also.

They also talked about karate which is a passion they used to share. They are both blackbelts. D17 said she might join a new club when she goes to uni and H is apparently thinking of going back also. It used to drive me nuts the fact that he went 3 nights a week but it is driving me madder knowing he has given it all up for OW when all I eve asked him to do was drop one night.

I've no expectations for my M or even or our R BUT I did see glimpses of my old H in these convos. D17 said that for the first time since he left she felt he treated her like the cherished D she is and not just a 'mate'. This is so good to hear. Prior to his MLC my H was a kind, caring and compassionate man who lived for his kids. If he only goes back to being this man I will be happy.