Hey T!

You sounds like you are doing brilliantly as usual. I love the boundary pushing in yoga, and the sound of the key lime pie. Yum!!

So, I haven't posted for a day or so because I've been thinking about your sitch and whether to ask you some questions. I know how much you love it when I get into one of those moods! But we've been DBing together for quite a long time haven't we? And I hope it's OK for me to ask, or at least offer some food or thought... If not, stop reading now!!

So, in the response to Ali, you mentioned giving BF a couple more months of NC so he has more time to reach out to you. I can remember that that was a part of the original plan....that if the time wasn't right after 4 months, it would be extended by another couple of months. And that you are transforming yourself, and making changes to show BF when contact resumes. (And doing an absolutely AMAZING job at that, by the way- I love reading the daily updates, and reading your thoughts on my sitch, so I really hope I'm not making you mad with where this is going).

But I also wonder.....when you first posted, I remember something about how it was instinctive to go dark. I don't know if I am remembering wrong, but pre-bomb, there had been less contact, right? And BF might also be waiting on a reply to the e-mail he sent way back too (?)....

So, what I'm wondering is, what would be the worst thing that would happen if you sent BF a light, friendly e-mail to say hello, and just wondering how you're doing. If he doesn't reply, you know to give him more time, and if he does reply, you are off to a flying start. I know it's scary to think of it, and take the risk on what might happen....I am not suggesting any pursuing behaviours though- just a hello, keeping it simple. It might open a path for BF to start a dialogue with you and see your wonderful changes. You've done brilliantly over the last 4 months of NC, and I am amazed by you every day; you're such an inspiration, and so strong. I just wonder.....4 months is a long time NC. Who knows, BF could be checking his e-mail every day for a message from you...waiting for you to contact him....(?)

Just a thought. I hope you're not mad with me for it- look at me taking a risk and coming out with a different opinion to everyone else (that's what DB has done for me!). I'm only saying it because I really care.

(((T)))

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart.
And you'll never walk alone.