Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate your ideas and comments, as well as everyone elses. I will definitely pay more
One thing I should clarify is that we both have full time jobs but I cook dinner almost everynight as well as 75% of the cleaning on the weekends or after work (we both get home around 8pm). I pick our kid after basketball practice or from school, take him to school everyday, buy groceries whenever needed. Considering all this shouldn’t I be the one with the low libido? Even when I'm exhausted from all that I still have room in my life for making love to her.
But that is going to change soon because I'm going to work on overcoming my need, rather than raising her desire. Realizing why I needed sex (my love language--need for intimacy) has given me some power over it. I actually don't feel as frustrated now because I understand better why I need it. This seems to be succeeding in lowering my libido.
I must admit I am sad to have to resort to trying to eliminate my desire instead of feeding and relishing it but I'm tired of aching for her touch. I'm still going to be sweet and do nice things for her but I'm going to hold myself back sexually. I used to think that repressing one's sexuality was unhealthy but now I realize that being frustrated in more unhealthy. Since nothing I do has an impact on her being attracted to me I will give up on trying. If I leave little to be rejected about then I can’t be rejected as much. I am focusing myself on other areas, hobbies, time with my son. It will be difficult and I am feeling the loss of one of life’s joys but I no longer see any alternative. Maybe if I concentrate like a tibetan monk I’ll get to the level that Jenn381’s hub has gotten to. He is a master of the reversal. He wanted it so bad that he gave up. Now she’s aching for him. Irony is a cruel jester.
I have been slowly surrendering over the last few years. To be honest, I am so afraid of not giving her earth shattering sex that I would almost rather not try than fail because I know how long it is going to be until I get try improving my performance another time. Sex has become less about throwing ourselves together into a molten lake of passionate release and more about making sure that she enjoys it so it won’t be too long before we can do it again. It’s becoming performance based work, not fun.
