In that thread, Michele gave me the following suggestion:
Quoting Michele: Thanks all for sharing once again.
Andy, you write so beautifully about your feelings of loss and about what sexual contact means to you. I couldn't help but wonder if you ever told your wife, or better yet, wrote her your thoughts. Going the rest of your life without sex is a very long time.
Michele
I took her advice, AM. My W’s response was, “Well, I haven’t felt that way for a long time.”
I’m not saying Michele’s advice was bad. It just didn’t work for me. It may work for you, but before you say anything, carefully consider this:
If you try to explain your feelings, it can come across as pressure. You have read The Sex Starved Marriage . You’re very enthusiastic about how much it validates your feelings. Don’t get me wrong. It’s good that you don’t think you’re some kind of pervert, but I would advise you to reread the parts about how your W feels about all of this.
If she’s feeling inadequate, guilty, whatever, then expressing the immense sense of bonding can make her feel even worse, and her reaction will be similar to that of my W.
You asked why a “surprise mopping of the floor” seems to be a more loving expression than making love. The answer, quite simply, is that a “surprise mopping of the floor” is an acknowledgement that she does mundane things without getting appreciation for them. By doing some of “her” jobs, you’re showing her that you aren’t taking her for granted.
