Depending upon your emotional state right now, you have the luxury of "just rolling with it." I think it's a good place to be in. We could ask FIB, because I think that's kind of the place he's in.
He and I talked.
In my case, since W WANTS a divorce and her only 'counseling' is this 'spiritual counselor' who is NOT an MFCC but is helping her release her connections to things that no longer 'serve her greater good'. It's worse than just a friend because she can do more harm.
This is similar to his W going to psychics, Tarot readers, etc. and them doing more harm than good.
Ultimately, that's what W has chosen. Not 'hard counseling' in the real world but some kind of emotional / 'spiritual' journey that is neither. I've been seeing her go from one self help book to the next but pretty much she only sticks with them for maybe a week before she tries another one.
But, her 'Spiritual guru / friend' is advising her and supporting her decisions. Yet the other night I posted about her telling me that at the party this friend was embarrassing her a little and making her feel like she was 'weird, like the friend is'.
FIB says, and I agree, that the ONLY thing that will ever pull W back is if she decides that being WITHOUT Frank is worse than being WITH Frank. Or, as AmyC said 'When will she be afraid she might LOSE Frank?'
Since I can't MAKE her feel that way by doing anything in particular, then it's becomes a situation where the only thing to do is back off some more, accept the marriage is over and work on my own stuff.
We already don't talk much and we 'sleep' together, but we don't go to bed at the same time. The sleeping together is a mystery to me, but as FIB said, it's just part of their confusion and means NOTHING.
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If you can reach or have reached that point where her words and actions don't cut quite as hard anymore, that's a good place. At the very least I think it's a goal to shoot for in the current situtation with her still at home.
Unless you are just that fed up with her, I don't think I'd shoo her away. She wants to run the show now and drive the direction of this relationship, so I would say let her. You never know.
Not quite there yet but I work on it every day. It's hard, as you know. I'm not sure what this 'relationship' is these days. 'Two people working toward separation but being nice?'
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Not having your emotional and physical well being tied to another means that you can almost kind of observe from above as things unfold. It also allows you to be decent towards her, even though what she has chosen might piss you off.
Yes, and this is exactly where I was 2 years ago after the affair ended. I was closer to not caring what she did but still held out some hope. It took 5-6 months to get to that place. I am trying to get there faster.
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Just wanted to agree that going with the flow was a good approach right now.
