Thanks W2G! Well I already caved.....S5 is sleeping in my room. I said it was ok for tonight but after that he is back in his bed (he is a little bummed about H moving out, too). Although S keeps saying that once we go to Iowa me and D and S can live at MY mom and dad's while H lives at his parents'. I started that a month ago when I was thinking we weren't going to stay married. SO I was prepping S by telling him there probably wasn't room for all of us at MIL's house so we (me and kids) would stay at my parents. My parents have a Play Station so S was all over that idea. He still wants to do it that way even though he says he misses Dad. We shall see...
H called at 10:45 to say good night before he went to bed. I don't really know the purpose of the call. Kids were both asleep (he asked if they fell asleep ok), so he only wanted to talk to me. Told me we had another calf born tonight at the farm (where he is staying). Couldn't really figure out what he wanted but just talked to him like a normal conversation, which I guess is what is was. It was weird b/c I had decided I am not calling him for awhile, and he called.
Even though this is a job separation right now, I have a feeling tonight that I need to lay low and let him come to me. I am not going to announce to him that I am treating this like a real separation, but I am going to act like it, at least a little bit. He is the one that told MC he wanted to use our time apart to think and work on himself (sure hope he gets an IC soon!), so I don't want to "bother" him during this time. I know bother isn't the right word, I just mean if he needs to focus on him then I shouldn't be calling every night to chit chat. If he wants to talk to me, he will call like he did tonight. Although I will call some nights so D and S can say good night. MC suggested making a routine around this good night call, but we haven't really talked about it yet.
Anyway, time to go to bed and hope S5 doesn't kick my gimpy ankle in the night (I sleep without the boot thingy on so my foot is very sensitive). Talk to you all tomorrow....
I was checking on you and I wish you could see this as a distance that could bring you together. Go on with what you have been doing for yourself and kids and let him do the job with himself. IMO, you should sound happy and content and confident about your future TOGETHER. Don't say that, just "act as if" this is just a separation. I think moving to another place will do you good.
BobbiJo, you are holding so strong. I think the time apart is going to be good for your H to reflect on himself. Hopefully, he will find what makes him happy and what makes him grumpy and work on those issues. I am confident that you will all be living together once you get to Iowa.
Thanks you guys! Don't know why but I was up until 2:30 last night. Just thinking about me and H and what is going to happen....doesn't do any good since I don't know what will happen. Don't know if I have the job or not, don't know if I am moving soon or not....in a weird way I almost hope I stay here to finish the school year. The school that wants me here the rest of the year doesn't get out until May 28. That is about 12 weeks which would give H some time to think.........I know it doesn't seem like a ton of time, but is more than the 5 weeks that could happen if I move up sooner for my job...
Anyway I am trying today to focus on MY needs/responsibilities. No sub job today so I am cleaning the crap out of the house to get it ready to sell. Loading up toys and baby clothes to donate to empty out some of our clutter. Feels good to lighten our load of "STUFF". I know some people would feel so lucky to have so much "stuff" as we do, but it weighs you down and overcrowds the house. SO I am literally "cleaning house" today. Which is actually helping my mood........
Check in later if I get any job/H/other earth-shaking news.
So I may have to go dark, or at least "dimmer" than I am now
Just talked (sort of) to H and have been bawling ever since.
Things seemed to be okay before he left, we even played around in bed and kissed on the mouth, etc. And last night he called me to talk before he went to bed, just me, not the kids....
So I am sure I overreacted today but I am so emotional right now.
I sent H a TM this morning re. our S needing his RX refilled. H started new job yesterday and I don't have those insurance cards, and I know his old insurance got cut off last Friday. I wasn't going to contact H at all, but needed to so I could get the meds.
On a side note, H sold his truck. He is supposed to meet the people who are buying it down here in Kansas City tonight. Yesterday he asked me for their name and number b/c he left it at the house when he left.
So anyway, the phone rings at 1:15. It is H. I answer, thinking it is a reply re. the meds for S.
Me: Hello? H: Yeah, what's her name again? Carolyn? Me: Who? H: F**K! The people who want to-- Me: Don't call me if you are going to cuss me-- H: Click
So I guess I was supposed to know who he was talking about??? I gathered enough from the little he said to realize he meant the people who wanted to buy the truck, since he is meeting them tonight. He must have lost their contact info. again. BTW, her name is Janel, which is nothing like Carolyn?
I should have just let it go but since I am the one who always wants to finish an argument/solve the problem RIGHTNOW, I did. This is something I have been working on under my "patience" goals. I called him back at work.
Me: Hello? H: Yeah what? Me: Did you want her name/number? H: I found it, I don't need it. Me: Okay... H: What did you need from me AT THIS MOMENT? (In his best "I am sooo too busy for you right now" voice) Me: Just the prescription info-- H: What meds does he need? Me: The Cingulair and Nasonex-- H: Sh*t! Cingulair has been out for 3 days! If you refilled it Friday it would have been covered on my old card! (angry) Me: Well I didn't and besides I need the Nasonex today either way-- H: Just put it on the old insurance and we'll deal with it later, I don't have new cards yet. Me: Okay, I will. But you still didn't need to cuss me out b/c I didn't know who you were talking about...(waiting for apology of course ) H: FINE Me: Thanks for the FU***NG apology. Click
I know, so juvenile. So embarrassing, but still I am crying over it. I know logically that he is on day 2 of being the boss at a brand new job. Probably lots of work, overwhelmed, wondering if he made the right choice, etc. And I am sure as he called me he was thinking about the truck people in his head, which is why he asked the question and assumed I knew what he meant....
BUT
He still shouldn't get to cuss me out because I cannot read minds.
AND
I have some real problems still if I let one conversation w/H make me feel devastated and ruin my day.
So I guess my thought is not to call him back indefinitely, unless I get urgent job news or the kids come down with malaria. Not to punish him, but to help me. B/C it is too painful to let his moods dictate my moods. Hard to be PMA when I am crying....
Back to work, cleaning this place. Was going to treat myself to lunch out somewhere but lost my appetite.
I am so sorry that you are having a bad day. I'm sure he is under stress but that doesn't excuse him. Try to think about the positive right now in your life. The interview went great and that should make you feel good. You a great mother and the kids are doing well. You are great person and have great friends.
Go treat yourself to something. Lunch, coffee, candy whatever. You deserve it.
Thanks guys. Now I want to cry b/c you are so good to me! I will head to town and find something fun for me before I pick up the kids from school. I am dropping off 2 rubbermaid tubs of kid clothes at the pregnancy crisis center this afternoon so I should focus on the fact that some needy babies are about to get some cute clothes!!
And I gotta stop letting H's mood control mine. I was getting good at it for awhile but with him moving out Sunday I am sort of in a weak moment I guess.......
Now you really have to treat yourself. Seriously. If you don't we are going to be disappointed you didn't listen to your friends. You have a lot of good ones who care about you.
He still shouldn't get to cuss me out because I cannot read minds.
AND
I have some real problems still if I let one conversation w/H make me feel devastated and ruin my day.
You really are very perceptive of your situation. Yes, H is most likely very stressed right now. It still does not mean he can be rude to you. And the tough one is how you are going to learn more to let water run off your back like a duck.
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