I figured out how he will 'spin' the Costa Rica trip to anyone that finds out we went together. Two things that he has said while planning this trip are "I enjoy your company" and "I made a promise to take you to Costa Rica and I am living up to that." Wow- how noble of him. He can't live up to the promises we made on our wedding day, but he can re a trip.
My BFF has just met a fellow off of match. They have been talking for a few weeks and finally met in person over the weekend. They hit it off famously. Listening to her talk about how he is treating her is really in stark contrast to my situation and I feel frustrated. She and her new fellow talk at least once a day; he sends her IM's in the morning; he brought her flowers. She doesn't second guess every little thing. She doesn't have to feel 'weird' about sending him an IM. They can admit to being excited to see each other.
I have to wonder if it's "Ok" to send an IM to my H. I have to be careful not to pressure him. I can't just call because I am thinking of him. If he does meet someone that interests him, how in the heck am I supposed to "compete"? If he met a new girl, he would freely call her, freely expect her to call, quite possibly invite her to do things with his friends. But because I am his wife, I am sequestered. Probably wise on his part since the very last time I was around his friends, someone said "haha, are you sure you guys aren't married? haha" and I didn't just laugh and keep my mouth shut- no, I said "oh, why yes we are married. 10 years" and the poor fellow got this really confused look on his face and said "ha ha.....really?? oh..well, um...congratulations, that's a long time" and my H said in a grumpy tone "It's been a bad year". And then a few minutes later said to me that we needed to file right away.
Anyway, I am going thru a "it's not FAIR!" stage right now. finding out that I am *totally* a secret has really ruffled my feathers. I can see not saying anything to his parents; but his roommate? OMG, that reminds me. He wanted me to make a custom bead for his friend. I asked what the story was and the short version was the guy said that he liked this one skull and my H said "Oh, I know someone that could probably make that". Huh. "I know "someone"." Like I'm the secretary at the dentists office or something. I guess he doesn't know what to call me. I am not legally his X, but obviously I am not his wife either.
How do we (LBS) keep doing this? Is the writing on the wall and I just refuse to see it?
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
