Good bye friends

[cat03]

ty hon, I always give you guys credit for my sanity whenever I have to explain my sitch, you all have been such lifesavers in these past years)))))

H is squirming a bit, I got a loose quote from the CS website and it almost amounts to one of his paychecks (I will be filing for real next week to get the real amount), he is taking his big debt with him (the one he accrued during the first S) and after all that, there isnt much left. He wants to get an efficiency to have kids overnight, but after paying CS he's about 300$ short. I wont sell my self short but I told him we'd work something out with the mediator, it is important he has time with the children, and I'd miss them terribly but it would be good for the kids to spend the night now and them with him, H does want a place with no room mates where he can have them with him.

I think I found a good mediator, perhaps we'll begin mediation in a week or so, H seems in such a hurry, but I'll do things at my pace and make sure the kids and i are taken care of.

[peaceful_spirit]

Cat,
You're doing great processing your emotions. And you're incorporating positive steps into your life. Good for you.

Just remember, this journey for you will be filled with ups and downs. Savor the ups and accept the downs. It's part of your healing process.

As for your H saying all those things, IMO, he's trying to justify his horrible behavior. I may have said this before, but I do think that's what he's doing. He came back to you in the first place for a reason. However, cutting it off with the high of the A and moving back into the mundane of married life is very, very hard. I know... my H went through it and it was a horrible process.

My point is, your H wasn't strong enough to resist the pull of the A. And again, he betrayed you, as he promised he would not. So, now he is justifying it to himself and you so that he doesn't feel like a bad person.

Of course your M wasn't great before the A. Otherwise the A wouldn't have happened. Most of us are in that position. i know there are things I did in my M before the A that I now know were damaging. But we learn from these things. So, don't beat yourself up for anything you may have done in the "old" R. That is over and you were committed to the "new" R.

All I'm saying is that you put in 150% to fixing your M. Your H tried, but failed. He was to weak. And now he has to live with himself. I guarantee you, that once he "moves on" with OW, he will very soon find himself unhappy. I am sure of that. If it were not so, he wouldn't have left her in the first place.

But in your journey now, that's neither here nor there. You move forward with this D. Go through the process. Plan your life without H. One day, he may wake up... but that is no time soon.

You are doing great. Just remember to give yourself a break. dno't put too much pressure on yourself to feel or act a certain way. You are a strong woman. That doesn't mean you have to be strong all the time.

[sgctxok]

I'm sorry to hear your news. Don't threaten your friends here with your absence, there are lots of places on this board you can move to. I agree, posting in piecing probably doesn't make much sense for you right now, emotionally it would send yourself the wrong message.

As for your R with h, try to quit obsessing about it or trying to understand it. Quit trying to get him to see things your way.

(1) The way you see things today will be very different than how you see them six months from now. NEITHER of you has an objective outlook right now.




Hi Cat...

I'm really sorry he's putting you through this....but you don't need to leave. And post whereever you feel most comfortable.

All of his words don't mean what they seem to mean. They mean, these are the glasses he has on NOW.

Oldtimer's words are really true.

Do whatever's good for you to take care of yourself right now.

thinking of you,
sg

[DiDi]

Just..... (((((((Cat))))))))))

[cat03]

thanks all)))))) glad to hear I'm partially likeable, lol! didn't mean to sound like I was leaving DB for good, just this piecing board, always meant to lurk and here and there & post a bit, he he, can't get rid of me that easily.

Woke up this AM without the sickness in my heart, and boy how I praised God for it! I had a good busy day with family and friends.
My dear PS, thanks for your wisdom. I will enjoy the high I have now, for i know the low is coming (will have to tell my s9 about permanent S)

Thanks for reminding me I don't have to be strong all the time

[runningoutoftime]

Cat,

I want you to print out OT's words posted here earlier and read them throughout the day, every day... maybe every hour!

[cat03]

yes i should, lol, tricky girl, reviving my thread, I was hoping it'd die a quiet death. Doing good. H is lining up a place nearby (currently he lives 45miles from here, it will be good for the kids, (and painless to exchange them). In a stupid way, as detached as I am for him it felt good to know he wouldnt' be too far. Still figuring out why it feels good? I know it will b convenient, but in some ways it will feel like he's "sort of" around the house.
Still figuring out child support, the figure I got from the CS website was absurd (50% his paycheck for the month) so i'm looking into it.

All things considered I'm good, still have not told s9 nor my family, sigh*, dont' want him to keep his hopes up, but still dread the loss of innocence. It will prob happen this sunday.

[runningoutoftime]

Printing out the really useful wise words (usually DB principals and GAL reminders) and reading them throughout the day is something I used to do and it really helped.

Having your H nearby for the kids is very good for them and important. Also, I'm sure he can be a help if necessary.... while you work on becoming more independent.

[peaceful_spirit]

Cat,
You're doing great. Keep up the positive mental attitude!

Thinking about you.

[cat03]

thanks PS, I think it's on of "those days" HEY no! wait, its dear aunt flo, (PMS for any guy reading this) no wonder my moods are up n down!!!

Started thinking about v-day, how they went on a cruise, how he took off those days, all that crap, RRRHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Things hitting me anew like a ton of bricks. Had a mini cry, feel a bit better, I know that stuff is old and just plain useless at this point, H called and sensed I was stressed, I told him why, and a few things (can't believe you xyz kind of thing)
He called back later after getting off before I got too carried away, and apologized, said a few things.

Guess the poison has to come out of my system now and then, there is prob quiet a few there after all the crap that happened these past few weeks. Was thinking of what ow said about certain things and realizing i'm stupid for believing whatever she said, I'll never know what was true what wasnt and yes, I shouldnt' care at this point, it was all a big web of lies.

SIGH, ok, meltdown slowing down, slowing down...