Minkerman is done

[Where is Hope?]

I am surprised to read that this happened! Please wait a few days. She sounds like she's still sorting things out.

{{{HUGS}}} in the meantime!

[minkerman]

Thanks you guys. I will try to sleep now, have my first coaching call in the morning, then check back in. Man, this is horrible. Thanks again for your well wishes.

[Marcum]

MM your are in my prayers.

[minkerman]

Well I just had my first coaching call with Joanne. She was absolutely AWESOME! She gave me a ton of homework, was very direct in what I was doing right, and what I was doing wrong.

I now have a game plan to get my life on track FOR ME, which will hopefully create some question in W's mind about her choices. I have a goal, with steps to show whether we are seeing progress.

The premise is simple:
Look very carefully at what has created positive interaction. Focus on that.
Look very carefully at what has definitely NOT been working. Stop these behaviours immediately, this second.

LRT is called for in this case. I must not initiate any contact whatsoever, unless it is an emergency or important. Don't "create" situations to contact her.

We agreed that W is probably in MLC. The plan to work on this needs to take that into account.

Game on!

[Broken Tree]

come join us in MLC. It is hell man and I always had this in the back of my mind with your sitch.

What is LRT? I forget.

[Broken Tree]

Your going to be OK Mink.

[minkerman]

LRT = The Last Resort Technique. It's in the DR book...

I will consider coming over to MLC forum, I'll just see how things go for now. We have a big birthday weekend coming up for her and her mom.

No expectations or hopes for now, the more I push my own agenda, the more it tells her she is doing the right thing by leaving.

Yeah Tree, I know I'll be OK....it's just getting to be a little exhausting.

[minkerman]

This is interesting, as a side note.

Just for fun, I get a daily horoscope and tarot card reading on my Facebook page. Here's what today's tarot card says:
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The Chariot
The Chariot is the representation of victory and a reminder that, through dedication and perseverance, great obstacles can be overcome. This card indicates that you are in control of your destiny and that your will is strong. Your refusal to surrender is your great attribute at this time. You will soon find yourself in a difficult situation that requires you to be in complete control of your actions and confident in your abilities.
_________________________________________________________________

That is so accurate, it is scary.

[Marcum]

MM i am so glad you had a good morning my friend. as you are trying to show me not every set back is permanent. i hate tyo use figurative speek but you have to "ride the roller coster" she goes way up and comes way down.

[minkerman]

I am comfortable with however this turns out at this point.

My big 180 today was to tell her that I have thought about what she told me last night, and she is right. If she feels she needs to move on, if she has been trying to find a way out for 12 years, who am I to tell her what her feelings are or should be? I am not going to talk her into staying, when she clearly thinks she is not "in love" with me. How satisfying could that be?

She has to want it.

I have officially "dropped the rope" and will continue to stand guard on my marriage while letting her think I am moving on. My needy behavior has gotten us to this point, now let's try this and see what it does.

Big risk, I know. But, to her, this would be completely unexpected behavior from me. I need to shock her.